Search results matching tag 'US Craziness'

Eat your chips, or you’ll never get big and fat when you grow up!

822535 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:49:00 GMT

Unlike the UK, which has pretty strict guidelines on advertising junk food to kids, If you ever wondered why so many young Americans are spotty, overweight, and just generally a pain in the arse... Listen up... We are to blame. And no, I'm not talking about us as parents (well, maybe to a certain extent) I'm talking about the "Us" in the ad biz. Did you know that here in the US, food companies spent nearly two billion dollars to market products to children and teens in 2007. Of which nearly half was targeted to children under 12.

Makers of fizzy drinks spent the most on marketing to children and teenagers, followed by fast-food restaurants and producers of breakfast cereals. And the major advertising platform was television. Tons of television, particularly in the cartoon shows aimed at the really young.

McDonalds gives high schools report card holders that offer free burgers and chips to kids who get good grades. And the corridors of virtually every high school are lined with vending machines for everything from Coke to pork rinds.

As I write in the chapter devoted to advertising to kids in my last book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, two years ago, the junk food makers agreed to regulate themselves, which is like putting the fox in charge of the hen house.

Since it was was formed in 2006 to fend off government regulation, the Children’s Food and Beverage Advertising Initiative run by the Council of Better Business Bureaus, has done virtually bugger all, in spite of its pledge either to stop aiming ads at children or to promote only what the council calls “better-for-you products” in ads directed at children.

Still, what can you expect from a country that once claimed (when Reagan was President) that ketchup was one of the essential foods groups necessary in a school lunch, and where in some states nearly half the population is obese… Not overweight… Obese. Although I hear it’s happening over there as well. Bloody advertising!

Your bank really, truly, madly, wants to make you happy!

822535 — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:00:00 GMT

My last couple of posts have been about US health care and drug advertising, a huge cash cow for American agencies, and one that seems to be completely out of control as far as any kind of meaningful regulatory action is concerned.

The other sector of the American economy that has obviously been taking a lot of flak over the last year has been the banking and financial industry. With the massive bailout many of the banks have recently received, whilst continuing to pay top executives billions of dollars in bonuses, you would think they would at least have some kind of coherent communications strategy that did a couple of things. Admit they screwed up, big time. Thank the taxpayers for their money. And above all, promise never to *** things up again.

So, you have to laugh when you look at the new Bank of America campaign that’s just been launched to the tune of $40 million. In the words of a bank spokes-hack… We are using a series of spots with “simple, clear and direct” messaging to repair our relationship with consumers. They could start off by lowering their outrageous interest rates and banking fees. But no, these epics are all about how easy it is to buy *** you don’t need with your debit card, and how you can win useless rewards by spending more.

According to another spokes-hack, this one for the American Bankers Association… BofA’s move is indicative of a turning point in the recession. “There is still a lot of turbulence going on, and I don’t think it’s over yet. But they’re cuing in on some kind of consumer confidence and optimism that says, ‘Let’s get back to where things where.” Exactly what bloody consumer confidence and optimism would that be then?

It’s just another example of the disconnect continually demonstrated by both clients and their agencies (In this case BBDO) to their audience. All these bozos want is to simply get back to things “the way they were.”

Gentlemen… Things will never again be the way they were. Particularly for the ad biz.

More on US Health Care!

822535 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:51:00 GMT

One of the comments on my last post implied that people who work in advertising shouldn’t be too fussy when it comes to deciding whether or not they wanted to work on certain kinds of accounts… ‘Cos they pay your wages! This drove to write a comment in reply, which I then decided to turn into a post… Here it is…

@media village...
Does this mean you would like to see the return of cigarette advertising? I mean if it's all about holding down a job and paying the bills you may as well advertise everything with no restrictions. How about porn, snuff films, gladiator fights to the death, booze for tots?

The point is that right now in the US, as I am sure you know, there is a whole flap about reforming health care, which costs lots more than any other civilized country and delivers some of the worse results. In fact for 47 million with no insurance, it delivers no results. Standing right next to the insurance companies in this fiasco are the drug companies. And right next to them are the agencies, who have made hundreds of millions in the last few years.

As ad agencies we are tasked with encouraging consumers to demand very expensive branded products, when generics for a tenth of the price are just as good. And in a great many cases an aspirin would probably do as much good. I go into this in great detail in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. For some reason Amazon isn’t offering this in the UK… But, as it’s available on Kindle, come January, you’ll be able to get it on your iPhone… And because I am a prince. If anyone wants to read more, I’ll see if Gordon wants to run that health care chapter on BrandRepublic.

Hooked on Drugs!

822535 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:05:00 GMT

For many years Madison Avenue pigged out at the trough of tobacco advertising. Back in the Mad Men days, cigarettes, booze and car accounts paid for many a Westchester mansion, country club fees and the odd boat or two. But with the ever tightening restrictions on tobacco and booze advertising things started to get a littel tougher. Then along came drugs… No, not the stuff you shove up your nose, the kinds your doctor prescribes for you.

And the good times were back… With a vengeance. Billions of dollars are now spent on DTC (Direct to Consumer) campaigns in an effort to make American Consumers bug the *** out of their doctors to get them to prescribe outrageously expensive medicines, often for ailments that don’t actually exist, such as “Restless Leg Syndrome” or “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”

No other country in the world allows this kind of advertising, and Madison Avenue laps it up. But perhaps not for much longer. Legislation has been introduced in the US Senate to eliminate the federal tax deduction on advertising for prescription-drugs. This could affect marketing budgets to the tune of millions, and as I say in the chapter devoted to health care advertising in my latest opus… The Ubiquitous Persuaders, US drug companies spend three times as much on marketing as they do on research and development.

I am sure, however, that the legislation will probably go nowhere. When the armies of drug company lobbyists flex their muscles and the senators are reminded that their re-election war chests might not be so full if they even think about voting for this bill, I’m sure in time honored tradition, it will languish in committee and eventually be forgotten.

There’s much more on this in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. Buy it for crying out loud.

Is George Parker too big to fail?

822535 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:26:00 GMT

Why am I not jumping up and down with joy when I read that Multi-zillionaire, Eric Schmidt, Google’s Chief Executive douchenozzle reported a 27% increase in profit in the third quarter, signaling what he referred to as the beginning of a recovery in the search-advertising market. He was also emphatic when stating that the worst of the economic downturn is over.

This on the same day that America’s biggest bank reports huge losses (no doubt requiring more of my tax dollars, cos it’s too bloody big to fail… Mmmm, as they happen to hold the mortgage on my house, I wonder if they’d help me out in the same way… Fat chance!) Also, GE reported quarterly financials that beat analysts expectations, even though profits fell 42% and revenue was down 20%… Which makes you wonder about these so called analysts.

Anyway, the point of this rant, isn’t necessarily political (Well, just a bit.) It’s that we have arrived at a situation where major corporations are underpinned their profitability by massive cost cutting and restructuring… Or in plain English, laying thousands of workers off. Ergo… No work… No money… No buying stuff… No advertising.

I don’t care how many times multi-billionaire CEO’s of advertising and marketing mega-companies tell us we have turned the corner with the light at the end of the tunnel showing us the green shoots… It’s bulls*h*i*t.

In the meantime, as my mortgage is too big to fail, please send donations to the George Parker Benevolent Fund. Ta very much!

There’s now't so barmy as politics!

822535 — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:53:00 GMT

I was a bit gob smacked to read that Tony Blair is likely to be the next head of the European Union… A job that The Times says, no one wants him for. Which means he’ll probably get it. Over here in America, they love him. That’s why Bush gave him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, rather than JK Rowling, ‘cos Tony doesn’t go in for witchcraft. Mmm, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

Anyway, the funniest bit was this… Meanwhile, Blair is said by some to have had some reservations about the presidency post, chief among them that he would earn less money than he does now giving speeches and other private work, and that the job would involve a lot of bureaucratic grind. But he would still earn about £250,000 a year with generous EU tax allowances, have a staff of at least 20 and a splendid Brussels residence.

Excuse me, but isn’t he rather busy at the moment bringing peace to the middle East from his permanent suite in the King David Hotel? And what about his two million pound a year job as an adviser to J.P.Morgan?

As described in The Telegraph at the time… Sources close to the bank said Mr. Blair would not need to have an office on Wall Street as he would be called upon "as needed" - and would give much of his advice over the telephone. He might occasionally attend a board meeting or go on visits to parts of the world where the bank had major interests.

Wow, sounds like being on the board of one of the agency holding companies!

Take your Olympics and shove it!

822535 — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:06:00 GMT

Everyone over here is shocked that the International Olympic Committee had the unmitigated cheek to award the 2016 Olympics to Rio, rather than Chicago. Rubbing salt in the wound by eliminating Chicago in the very first round of voting. Wankers!

But, I’ll make you a bet right now that most Chicagoans are breathing a great big sigh of relief. ‘Cos based on just about every other host city, the citizens end up paying for it for years after the event has been forgotten. From what I’ve read, the costs for London to host the 2012 Olympics have already tripled, and we’re still three years away from the opening ceremony! Your children’s children will be paying for this long after you’ve gone to that big agency in the sky. Montreal’s 1976 Olympics left the city with $2.7 billion of debt that it finally paid off in 2005. That's almost thirty years.

Why cities want this dubious honor is beyond me. The whole thing has grown into a travesty of the Baron’s original dream. It is now a commercial, nationalist, jingoistic joke, stuffed with all kinds of events that are merely a vehicle to sell more swoosh emblazoned junk to kids who can’t afford it.

Make it all amateur again (are there any left?) And cut out all the sponsors. But, you say, then the host cities wouldn’t be able to afford to build all the different venues… Exactly. So you go back to the original events, running, jumping, throwing a big rock, and naked men wrestling. And you do it on the sports field of the local secondary modern. You make a profit selling tea and renting deck chairs.

Oh, and you can Tweet about it!

Wow… How the mighty have fallen, only to get up, then fall again.

822535 — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:27:00 GMT

When I first worked on the Dell account, back in San Francisco, in the early eighties, they were severely kicking everyone else's arse. Not only did they offer a superior product for a superior price… They overlaid this great sales model with the kind of service which guaranteed, not just that the average punter would keep sniffing around and buying because they were so happy with both the product and the service, but also, Corporate America, which was constantly worried about both the bottom line and the continuity of service and reduced costs, would keep coming back for more.

At the same time Ross Perot was launching an effort to win the Presidency. And he could have won it too, with a combination of his home spun philosophy, and his perceived honesty. Anyway, it didn’t work out for several weird reasons that would take too long to go into.

So, to read today that Dell is buying Perot systems for a mere $3.9 billion, leaves me wondering what the hell is going on? Is this an indication of the final transmogrification of the increasingly failing current American business model? Who the hell knows, everyone from IBM, to Microsoft, to Oracle is convinced that selling services is the future, rather than selling products. I don’t know. At the end of the day, I have this nagging feeling that if you don’t actually make something… You have *** all to sell. But, then again, what the hell do I know?

Old celebrities never die, they simply appear in bad TV spots!

822535 — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:24:00 GMT

With the news today in the US that the latest Burger King gross out campaign from the frat boys in Boulder is once again relying on the use of celebrities to push stuff that will probably kill you, only serves to make me once again wonder if this stuff really works.

The new Burger King effort has has NASCAR driver Tony Stewart professing his love for “Whoppers.” No surprise there as the average NASCAR fan is certainly a whopper, if not a gargantuan, and that includes his misses. Apparently the TV features Stewart teaching other celebrities how to endorse products. One of them is Eric Estrada!!! That’s right, the guy with five hundred teeth that used to be in CHIPS five hundred years ago when your box had an eight inch screen, and everything was in green and black.

Still, every time I’m over in the UK, when I put the telly on as I empty the hotel mini-bar, I see people I thought had died in the eighteenth century, and they’re endorsing everything from knickers to knick-knacks. I’ll bet “Our Enery” is still flogging stuff. The only person I know older than him is Sir Cliff. But he’s got that picture in the attic you're not allowed to see!

How to make it big in advertising – Well, for a few weeks!

822535 — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:59:00 GMT

I know the job scene in the ad biz is pretty bad over there, over here it’s desperate. And with the news out of the holding companies of their continuing drastic losses of income and declining profits, you know it’s only going to get worse. Particularly when the magic answer to all their problems is always to reduce the head count (management excluded) of their constituent agencies.

Today’s New York Times has an interesting piece titled “For a Select Few, Madison Avenue Has Dream Jobs.” Unfortunately, those dream jobs seem to be as temporary shills for vacation spots and off-beat tourism destinations. The job usually lasts for two or three months, you get paid just enough to cover your expenses, and you are expected to spend every waking hour Tweeting, Facebooking, MySpacing and generally filling the blogosphere with tons of crap.

The most amazing thing is that tens of thousands of people apply for these spots. Remember. Ben Southall, who won the contest sponsored by Queensland Tourism offering the “best job in the world”: a six-month gig to be a caretaker on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef and chronicle the experience via all the social sites that people with nothing better to do spend their lives on. There were 34,000 entries for the competition. Amazing. If you really want to, you can read Ben’s trivia on Twitter (twitter.com/Bensouthall) and a blog (islandreefjob.com.au).

Me, I'm going for a beer. Cheers.