I, Nat, recently received an alumni magazine from my old school. It was dreadfully dull, except for one particular article about car crashes.
The list below are actual statements found on insurance
forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible.
1) Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided
with a tree I don’t have.
2) A truck backed though my windshield into my wife’s face.
3) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
4) In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
pole.
5) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my
way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision.
6) I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at
the wheel and had an accident.
7) To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I stuck
a pedestrian.
8) An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and
vanished.
9) I was on the way to the doctor with a rear end complaint
when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
10) I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the road when I struck him.
11) I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was
later found in a ditch by some cows.
12) The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I
ran him over.
And my personal favourite…
13) I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my
hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
