Only a few weeks ago I posted a submission about the bout of sequelitis (and prequelitis) that has broken out in 2008. Potential crap we have to contend with this year includes a new version of Rambo, a movie version of Sex in the City and an all new version of the original Star Trek.
I thought that line up was pretty bleak until a came across a feature on the utter sh*t that is being lined up to accompany our popcorn and Kia Ora in the next few years. Here is my Top Ten pointless remakes, sequels, prequels and 'scraping the bottom of the barrel movie versions of TV shows.' Be afraid. Be very afraid...
So here goes... and in at 10, the first completely pointless sequel is: The Lost Boys 2 (The Tribe). It's taken almost 20 years to come up with a sequel which begs just one question. Why bother ?
At number 9, Diary of the Dead. George A Romero continues to squeeze the life blood (and guts) out the franchise. As the zombies become more human and start to think (the basis of Land of the Dead as I recall) then what do we think might come after the Diary of the Dead, I wonder ? The Christmas of the Dead ? The Hangover of the Dead ? The School Run of the Dead ?
Number 8, Shocker. Wes Craven last made this in 1989. Why does he want to make it again when most of us can't even remember the original ? I guess the title sort of says it all.
In at 7, is the first of two old Schwarzenegger vehicles to be rehashed, both of them without the new Governator making an appearance. This one ? Conan The Barbarian. Sheesh.
At number 6, The Punisher 2 - War Zone. The worst superhero ever gets an (unbelievable) second outing. Cool T-shirt though.
It's Saw V at 5. What beats me is how quickly they turn these particular sequels out.
At number 4, another TV show being resurrected from the dead. The A Team. Without any of the original cast. Instead of Mr T as BA, there is the prospect of it being Ice Cube. And Woody Harrelson as 'Howling Mad' Murdock. Enough said.
At number 3, it's the poor man's version of the Indiana Jones movies, The Mummy, which is coming back for it's third outing. Can't imagine many Oscar nominations on the back of this one.
And just pipped at the post for the coveted top spot is A Nightmare of Elm Street - The Prequel. Another shameless cash-in from director Wes Craven. Still at least we get to find out how Freddy looked prior to the fire and also where he bought that natty striped jumper. Mind you, actor Robert Englund must be cracking on a bit now so that might require even more make-up than the original movie incarnation.
And finally, in at number one with a bullet (plus a mortar round, a rocket grenade and a laser gunship) is the other Arnie-less sequel, Terminator 4 - The Future Begins. With all that time travel going on, it's sort of a sequel / prequel all rolled into one. Can't wait. Well, actually I can.
Well, that's it. I didn't think it could get much worse than the previous crop but I was wrong. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cinema hey ?
Steve Blakeman
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Member since: 03 Jun 2008
Last login: 27 Oct 2008
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