The Name is Not Bond...

I'm having a bit of a cinema fest at the moment. Maybe it's just because all the really interesting stuff I keep seeing is all based upon the silver screen. Recently it's been the crap sequels and prequels that are about to be released and this time it's the title of the 22nd Bond movie.

The title ?

Quantum of Solace.

You think I'm kidding right ? Well, I'm not... 

I've had a think about the classic titles of some of the previous Bond films. Live & Let Die. Thunderball. For Your Eyes Only. Octopussy (ok, well most of them were good).

By comparison 'Quantum of Solace' sounds like an arthouse science fiction movie (if such a thing exists).

Apparently it was actually derived from an obscure 1960 Ian Fleming short story, so in fairness it has some pedigree but surely they could have come up with something a bit, er, snappier ? Apparently even Daniel Craig has commented to that effect but it seems his opinion didn't count.

The title refers to the fact that JB's heart was broken at the end of Casino Royale when he was betrayed by his girlfriend and then she dies (and he called her 'a bitch' if I recall correctly - naughty). The solace he is seeking is in revenge. Which probably means lots of killing bad people. Which sounds a lot more Bond-like than the title. Which makes me muse whether 'Revenge for the Bitch' might have made a more interesting, provocative and memorable title ? Well, maybe not in hindsight. Sounds more like a 50 Cent album track than a Bond movie (but hey, if he did the theme tune ?).

The producers are obviously trying to preserve the connection with Fleming a little too closely. Maybe it's time to branch out ? If not then the next 3 instalments in the franchise will be called after the 3 remaining Fleming books featuring Bond they haven't used... Risico, The Hildebrand Rarity and The Property of a Lady. 

And I thought Quantum of Solace was bad...

Revenge of the sequel - part 2 - another new beginning - revisited

Only a few weeks ago I posted a submission about the bout of sequelitis (and prequelitis) that has broken out in 2008. Potential crap we have to contend with this year includes a new version of Rambo, a movie version of Sex in the City and an all new version of the original Star Trek.

I thought that line up was pretty bleak until a came across a feature on the utter sh*t that is being lined up to accompany our popcorn and Kia Ora in the next few years. Here is my Top Ten pointless remakes, sequels, prequels and 'scraping the bottom of the barrel movie versions of TV shows.' Be afraid. Be very afraid...

So here goes... and in at 10, the first completely pointless sequel is: The Lost Boys 2 (The Tribe). It's taken almost 20 years to come up with a sequel which begs just one question. Why bother ?

At number 9, Diary of the Dead. George A Romero continues to squeeze the life blood (and guts) out the franchise. As the zombies become more human and start to think (the basis of Land of the Dead as I recall) then what do we think might come after the Diary of the Dead, I wonder ? The Christmas of the Dead ? The Hangover of the Dead ? The School Run of the Dead ?

Number 8, Shocker. Wes Craven last made this in 1989. Why does he want to make it again when most of us can't even remember the original ? I guess the title sort of says it all.

In at 7, is the first of two old Schwarzenegger vehicles to be rehashed, both of them without the new Governator making an appearance. This one ? Conan The Barbarian. Sheesh.

At number 6, The Punisher 2 - War Zone. The worst superhero ever gets an (unbelievable) second outing. Cool T-shirt though.

It's Saw V at 5. What beats me is how quickly they turn these particular sequels out.

At number 4, another TV show being resurrected from the dead. The A Team. Without any of the original cast. Instead of Mr T as BA, there is the prospect of it being Ice Cube. And Woody Harrelson as 'Howling Mad' Murdock. Enough said.

At number 3, it's the poor man's version of the Indiana Jones movies, The Mummy, which is coming back for it's third outing. Can't imagine many Oscar nominations on the back of this one.

And just pipped at the post for the coveted top spot is A Nightmare of Elm Street - The Prequel. Another shameless cash-in from director Wes Craven. Still at least we get to find out how Freddy looked prior to the fire and also where he bought that natty striped jumper. Mind you, actor Robert Englund must be cracking on a bit now so that might require even more make-up than the original movie incarnation.

And finally, in at number one with a bullet (plus a mortar round, a rocket grenade and a laser gunship) is the other Arnie-less sequel, Terminator 4 - The Future Begins. With all that time travel going on, it's sort of a sequel / prequel all rolled into one. Can't wait. Well, actually I can.

Well, that's it. I didn't think it could get much worse than the previous crop but I was wrong. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cinema hey ?

Pimp my Dictionary

It seems that the social networking phenomenum Facebook has made it into the latest updated version of the Collins English Dictionary both as a noun and a verb. And existing words such as 'poke' and 'pimp' have had new explanations added. And whether you approve or not, the way we communicate online is gradually beginning to change the English language. Scary.

So what are the dictionary definitions ?

Well, Facebook the noun is pretty simple - "a popular social networking site"

The verb version ? - "to search for a persons profile on Facebook"

And what about pimp ? Naturally that means to make you profile page prettier. And to poke is to get someones attention of course.

The truly incredible thing is that these expressions have filtered into our everyday lives over the course of just a year. Talk about a tipping point.

So I wonder what might make the 2009 version of the dictionary ?  Linden Dollars maybe ? A new definition and spelling of WoW possibly ?  And what about Android ?

If you dont know what these things are now, I'd hazard a guess you will by the 2009 edition of Collins.

Revenge of the Sequel - Part 2 - Another New Beginning

Sat in another airport. Bored. And I've just read MSN's top film tips for 2008. Wish I hadn't bothered. What a tired line up of sequels, TV spin-offs and format rehash. Actually the Christmas TV schedules looked more fascinating than this little lot...

First up, the old guard are back to cash-in on former glories. Harrison Ford resumes his role as Indiana Jones in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Clearly someone forgot this was meant to be a trilogy. Or maybe it's because Hollywood producers can't count. Unless it comes to money.

Next up is another crinkly, Sylvester (Lazarus) Stallone. Not content with bringing Rocky Balboa back to our screens last year, he has now resurrected John Rambo (in the film of the same name). Actually, when it comes to names, why is Sly suddenly insisting on calling his films after his characters names ? Where does he go from there ? Oh I know...

Rocky Balboa 2 - On the Ropes 

Rocky Balboa 3 - Really Ropey ? 

Just start the sequencing again. Very smart.

Also back from the grave is Star Trek. Yes well, we know there have been a gazillion sequels already but this one is going back to it's roots apparently. With a new hotshot director of course. And presumably a new cast - not sure Scottie can reprise his role since his ashes were fired into space a few years back.

Talking of going back to their roots, the new versions of both Bond and Batman did rather well last time out by treading old ground but with a sharper more contemporary edge. So it comes as no great surprise that their 'sequels' are out later this year. Bond 22 (as yet untitled, but this is as good as any title I guess) is back with Daniel Craig and the bloke who did the stunts in the Bourne series. Lots more fighting and less guns then. The Batman flick, entitled The Dark Knight  looks well, erm, dark. Heath Ledger as The Joker looks pretty scary actually. But then again, I always thought he did...

You want TV spin offs ? What about Sex And The City ? Personally, I'd rather have root canal work done for 2 hours than watch this.

So is there any good stuff coming up ? Well, maybe a few gems. There Will Be Blood with Daniel Day Lewis looks like it could be Oscar material. Or what about Valkyrie with Tom Cruise as a Nazi officer who tried to assasinate Hitler ? Or possibly another Tim Burton extravaganza with Johnny Depp playing Sweeney Todd (sort of an Edward Scissorhands sequel if you will ?).

Nah, none of those are going to get sequels. I'd recommend Ironman. Robert Downey Junior plays a gun-toting maniac who can turn himself into a cyborg killing machine superhero. Now that sounds like real entertainment to me. And I'm already looking forward to the sequel (prequel ?)...

Ironman and Transformers vs Alien and Predator

Box office gold.