CrackBerry

Talk about addictive. Forget the BlackBerry it should be called the CrackBerry. It ought to come with a health warning...

It seems everyone out here in APAC has one. And we are all hooked. It's insidious. We all claim we wouldn't use one that much. But then you get one and you find that (slowly but surely) you can't help checking to see if you have got an email. Like every 5 minutes. You simply cannot help yourself. It's as impossible to ignore as an itch or the last Jaffa cake in the box.

In a break from a meeting, on the toilet or even on the lash at 3am. Seriously, why do we feel so compelled to use it ?

There is just no downtime any more (unless you are asleep or on a plane). Even in meetings, I have noticed people cracking off a quick one (email that is) when they should be listening to what's going on. Or is that just when I am talking ?

My boss, King, has gone 'cold turkey' and turned the email function off. Drastic. Not sure I'm ready for that yet (if ever). Problem now is that when he is in transit I get a steady stream of text messages from him...

Wch is jst gr8 i cn tl u

It's a Con(call)

Max Headroom. Recall him ? 80's cyberpunk icon and possibly the first ever advertising avatar (complete with glitches). Anyway, I was reminded of him earlier this week in a conference call...

Why is it that we can put a man on the moon, develop robots to the housework, put liquers inside chocolates (how do they do that by the way ?) yet we still can't manage to invent a video conference system that can work properly ?

In my experience, you can always guarantee that some technical 'ghost in the machine' will ensure that the you end up looking like a twerp. For instance, this week, to ensure that there wasn't feedback levels the equivalent of Eddie Van Halen in full flow, we all had to turn the mics off in all locations with the exception of when someone was speaking.

Now that worked initially, until someone wanted to ask a question. Right then. Well, as we have developed an oposable thumb and a brain to help us use it we collectively decided that if anyone had a question we would put our hand up. A brilliant idea. In theory. But thats when the technology let us down again because the camera angles and darkness of the various rooms meant you couldn't see anyone that well.

So whilst the person presenting carried on regardless, there could have been at least 4 or 5 people waving frantically at the camera.

Actually, in hindsight, we should leave it as it is. Makes concalls much more interesting on reflection.

Play Your Cards Right

The humble business card has elevated status out here in Asia. It is given and received with genuine reverence (instead of being chucked across a desk or nonchalently flipped toward someone). The only problem is I keep forgetting that...

Cards are presented with both hands, the card being face up with the persons name and title clearly visible. The card is then received in the same manner (whilst ensuring you are seen reading, yes actually reading, the details on the card itself). What a concept. As if business cards were ever given out to be read - apart from possibly to impress your folks or someone down the pub - neither of which work incidentally, or so I've been told... by my folks and various people down the pub as it happens...

Anyway, we digress.

The process is then repeated in reverse. As you can probably imagine, when you are meeting a lot of people for the first time, this can be a pretty lengthy procedure.

Now, despite the fact that I have been out here for about 5 months, I still can't remember to even take my business cards with me anywhere. Must be some sort of mental block. On the one occasion I did remember to take my cards I managed to spill a whole box of them on the floor. Not exactly the first impression I was looking for. Hey ho, maybe I'm more used to the 'chucking' and 'flipping' delivery method after all ?

Rock my World

Picture the scene... sat at my desk, colleague facing me, discussing 'meja' when all of a sudden we both realise that the room was shaking...

At first I started to think that I was finally going to flip out after all those years of GRP's and segmentation studies.

It seems not. It transpires it was more to do with the Pacific Ring of Fire. Now, I always thought that was what you got the day after Fish Head Curry but no. It is in fact the seismic fault line off Indonesia. Turns out it was having another bad day. A 6.3 on the richter scale bad day.

Buildings here in Singapore swayed lazily and many were evacuated. Lots of bankers and media types having to flee the comfort of their air conditioned offices and sweat profusely in the midday sun. If only the people at the epicentre in Padang, Sumatra had to contend with such minor inconveniences...

No Blancmange ?

Ever do those biogs ? Dull right ? Where you've worked, what accounts you have worked on blah blah blah. Well I tried to spice mine up recently with a little 'personal information' to make it, you know, more real...

Problem is, it sort of backfired. In my 'dislikes' I mentioned that I hated Blancmange and Pan Pipes. Bel, one of our top planners, said just before the meeting "so what is blankmangey". I then went into a rant about the poison that is Butterscotch Angel Delight only to be confronted by slack jaws. Seems they don't have it here.

Next thing they'll be telling me they don't have Hob Nobs. Oh, seems they don't.

Hub Hubbub

Why is everything a hub in Singapore ? OK I accept that the airport is a hub. The cable TV network (akin to Sky) is Starhub, which I can live with. Even a local office block, although that's stretching it. But our local food court ? What next, the Chicken Rice hub ? And what if chewing gum were legal here ? Could we have the Hubba Bubba Hub ? I've just realised I'm ranting so, er, I'll stop.