Media Week

In light of the news that Manchester United and England footballer Rio Ferdinand is going to launch his own digital magazine, I've decided to launch Rich, an uncensored insight into the exciting world of, well, me.

Jamie Oliver's Jamie concentrates on food, natch, and Rio, according to the press release, "aims to give a snapshot of the world that Rio inhabits and will be a reflection of his interests", with features including celebrity interviews - 50 Cent and Mickey Rourke in the first issue - plus icons of sport, music, fashion, film and TV, technology, cars and travel.

Rich will feature an equally impressive array of essential content for 35+ once aspirational males, including ‘A night down the pub' where I transcribe occasionally amusing conversations between me and my nefarious friends in the boozer, and cutting edge fashion spreads from world-renowned stylists and fashion photographers including my wife and maybe even my mother-in-law who did buy me a new jumper for Christmas.

Media buyers looking to tap into the potential goldmine demographic Rich will no doubt attract can contact me at Media Week.

The COI announced this week that Joe public is now able to track crime trends in their area through online maps across the 43 websites of all police forces across the country.

It's a bit like using Google maps, only instead of finding your nearest frappuccino supplier, you get to see just what a crime hotspot, in my case, you actually have the misfortune to live in.

I was delighted to find out that Hackney Borough has an "average" crime rate according to the Met figures, but if you go right down to my sub ward, effectively mine and a couple of other apparently mean streets, the figures rocket, even by Hackney's standards.

I now fear for the safety of the organic fruit sellers and mother's clubs of Stoke Newington, I really do.

Quite what opportunities this presents to media organisations, one can only imagine. In my particular little slice of heaven I'm expecting a flurry of door drops for everything from secure windows suppliers to personal minders.

If you're a Londoner, check for yourself at the Met's map, only be prepared for a few restless nights depending on the results.

1. The BBC will take a fresh look at its digital ambitions and scale back expansion "just to cut commercial operations a break".
2. The number of media jollies will be drastically cut in favour of fruit baskets.
3. Dawn Airey will not have lunch at The Ivy.
4. There will be more people working in media by the end of 2009, compared with 2008.
5. Channel 4 will revitalise its plans to move into radio.
6. National newspapers will see a resurgence in copy sales and report buoyant ABC figures.
7. Google will crash as advertisers decide online display is the future.
8. The cinema sector will do something, anything news worthy.
9. No individual media sector will publish a report that suggests it is the best placed to weather the economic storm.
10. Jamie magazine will still exist - seriously...overkill.