MadScam

The social networking circle-jerk!

George Parker — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:45:00 GMT

Readers of my US blog, AdScam, where informed yesterday that I have given up on Twitter. Why? Because in the last few days, I have had dozens of emails from very pissed off people asking why I am bombarding them with shitty emails flogging everything from insurance to condoms. Obviously someone has hacked my account. Just as someone phished my Facebook account FIVE times a few weeks ago. That’s whey I am no longer on Facebook.

Ah, you might say, but there are steps you can take, like changing your password and blocking certain url’s and IP addresses… But why the f**k should I? It's too much like hard work for little return. As someone commenting on AdScam puts it so well…

I completely understand George, if you really look at it.. this is what happens. To all of us. 1 - you get pushed to blog 2 - you get pushed to twitter 3 - you get pushed to Facebook 4 - you get pushed to LinkedIn 5 - you get pushed to digg 6 - you get pushed to YouTube 7 - you get pushed back to your blog. At the end of the day you run around to 2000 social media sites and what did you accomplish... you talked to the same people you would if you only stuck to your blog. because like all of us, we all are cycling to each of them... I read your blog.. then check my twitter feed and see snippets of what I just read. You know... the more I think about it.. the more I think George might be right.. it's a massive circle jerk.

I think you will see an increasing number of people beginning to question the time we are spending churning out so much useless crap. We are not all Steven Fry's. So from now on if you want to read my pearls of wisdom, you’ll have to settle for AdScam, MadScam and psfk.

Your bank really, truly, madly, wants to make you happy!

George Parker — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:00:00 GMT

My last couple of posts have been about US health care and drug advertising, a huge cash cow for American agencies, and one that seems to be completely out of control as far as any kind of meaningful regulatory action is concerned.

The other sector of the American economy that has obviously been taking a lot of flak over the last year has been the banking and financial industry. With the massive bailout many of the banks have recently received, whilst continuing to pay top executives billions of dollars in bonuses, you would think they would at least have some kind of coherent communications strategy that did a couple of things. Admit they screwed up, big time. Thank the taxpayers for their money. And above all, promise never to *** things up again.

So, you have to laugh when you look at the new Bank of America campaign that’s just been launched to the tune of $40 million. In the words of a bank spokes-hack… We are using a series of spots with “simple, clear and direct” messaging to repair our relationship with consumers. They could start off by lowering their outrageous interest rates and banking fees. But no, these epics are all about how easy it is to buy *** you don’t need with your debit card, and how you can win useless rewards by spending more.

According to another spokes-hack, this one for the American Bankers Association… BofA’s move is indicative of a turning point in the recession. “There is still a lot of turbulence going on, and I don’t think it’s over yet. But they’re cuing in on some kind of consumer confidence and optimism that says, ‘Let’s get back to where things where.” Exactly what bloody consumer confidence and optimism would that be then?

It’s just another example of the disconnect continually demonstrated by both clients and their agencies (In this case BBDO) to their audience. All these bozos want is to simply get back to things “the way they were.”

Gentlemen… Things will never again be the way they were. Particularly for the ad biz.

More on US Health Care!

George Parker — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:51:00 GMT

One of the comments on my last post implied that people who work in advertising shouldn’t be too fussy when it comes to deciding whether or not they wanted to work on certain kinds of accounts… ‘Cos they pay your wages! This drove to write a comment in reply, which I then decided to turn into a post… Here it is…

@media village...
Does this mean you would like to see the return of cigarette advertising? I mean if it's all about holding down a job and paying the bills you may as well advertise everything with no restrictions. How about porn, snuff films, gladiator fights to the death, booze for tots?

The point is that right now in the US, as I am sure you know, there is a whole flap about reforming health care, which costs lots more than any other civilized country and delivers some of the worse results. In fact for 47 million with no insurance, it delivers no results. Standing right next to the insurance companies in this fiasco are the drug companies. And right next to them are the agencies, who have made hundreds of millions in the last few years.

As ad agencies we are tasked with encouraging consumers to demand very expensive branded products, when generics for a tenth of the price are just as good. And in a great many cases an aspirin would probably do as much good. I go into this in great detail in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. For some reason Amazon isn’t offering this in the UK… But, as it’s available on Kindle, come January, you’ll be able to get it on your iPhone… And because I am a prince. If anyone wants to read more, I’ll see if Gordon wants to run that health care chapter on BrandRepublic.

Hooked on Drugs!

George Parker — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:05:00 GMT

For many years Madison Avenue pigged out at the trough of tobacco advertising. Back in the Mad Men days, cigarettes, booze and car accounts paid for many a Westchester mansion, country club fees and the odd boat or two. But with the ever tightening restrictions on tobacco and booze advertising things started to get a littel tougher. Then along came drugs… No, not the stuff you shove up your nose, the kinds your doctor prescribes for you.

And the good times were back… With a vengeance. Billions of dollars are now spent on DTC (Direct to Consumer) campaigns in an effort to make American Consumers bug the *** out of their doctors to get them to prescribe outrageously expensive medicines, often for ailments that don’t actually exist, such as “Restless Leg Syndrome” or “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”

No other country in the world allows this kind of advertising, and Madison Avenue laps it up. But perhaps not for much longer. Legislation has been introduced in the US Senate to eliminate the federal tax deduction on advertising for prescription-drugs. This could affect marketing budgets to the tune of millions, and as I say in the chapter devoted to health care advertising in my latest opus… The Ubiquitous Persuaders, US drug companies spend three times as much on marketing as they do on research and development.

I am sure, however, that the legislation will probably go nowhere. When the armies of drug company lobbyists flex their muscles and the senators are reminded that their re-election war chests might not be so full if they even think about voting for this bill, I’m sure in time honored tradition, it will languish in committee and eventually be forgotten.

There’s much more on this in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. Buy it for crying out loud.

Is George Parker too big to fail?

George Parker — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:26:00 GMT

Why am I not jumping up and down with joy when I read that Multi-zillionaire, Eric Schmidt, Google’s Chief Executive douchenozzle reported a 27% increase in profit in the third quarter, signaling what he referred to as the beginning of a recovery in the search-advertising market. He was also emphatic when stating that the worst of the economic downturn is over.

This on the same day that America’s biggest bank reports huge losses (no doubt requiring more of my tax dollars, cos it’s too bloody big to fail… Mmmm, as they happen to hold the mortgage on my house, I wonder if they’d help me out in the same way… Fat chance!) Also, GE reported quarterly financials that beat analysts expectations, even though profits fell 42% and revenue was down 20%… Which makes you wonder about these so called analysts.

Anyway, the point of this rant, isn’t necessarily political (Well, just a bit.) It’s that we have arrived at a situation where major corporations are underpinned their profitability by massive cost cutting and restructuring… Or in plain English, laying thousands of workers off. Ergo… No work… No money… No buying stuff… No advertising.

I don’t care how many times multi-billionaire CEO’s of advertising and marketing mega-companies tell us we have turned the corner with the light at the end of the tunnel showing us the green shoots… It’s bulls*h*i*t.

In the meantime, as my mortgage is too big to fail, please send donations to the George Parker Benevolent Fund. Ta very much!

President Sarkozy dans le mer*d!!!

George Parker — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:45:00 GMT

In the truth is stranger than fiction dept, French satirical investigative journalism weekly “Le Canard Enchaîné,“ has outed holier-than-thou French president, Nicolas Sarkozy for violating copyright laws.

In a stunning display of hypocrisy, the presidential department of audiovisual services produced 400 unauthorized copies of the 52 minutes documentary “A visage découvert : Nicolas Sarkozy“. This while President Sarkozy, just happens to be the one pushing the HADOPI law, which would disconnect the Internet service of an alleged copyright pirate after three allegations of infringement.

This isn't the first time he's been connected to copyright violations, either. His party had to pay €30K for using a song at a political rally without authorization. If he were subject to his own law, which is in effect a three strikes and you’re out provision, President Sarkozy would be having his Internet disconnected the next time he pirates something.

I wonder if Carla has checked her CD collection recently?

There’s now't so barmy as politics!

George Parker — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:53:00 GMT

I was a bit gob smacked to read that Tony Blair is likely to be the next head of the European Union… A job that The Times says, no one wants him for. Which means he’ll probably get it. Over here in America, they love him. That’s why Bush gave him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, rather than JK Rowling, ‘cos Tony doesn’t go in for witchcraft. Mmm, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

Anyway, the funniest bit was this… Meanwhile, Blair is said by some to have had some reservations about the presidency post, chief among them that he would earn less money than he does now giving speeches and other private work, and that the job would involve a lot of bureaucratic grind. But he would still earn about £250,000 a year with generous EU tax allowances, have a staff of at least 20 and a splendid Brussels residence.

Excuse me, but isn’t he rather busy at the moment bringing peace to the middle East from his permanent suite in the King David Hotel? And what about his two million pound a year job as an adviser to J.P.Morgan?

As described in The Telegraph at the time… Sources close to the bank said Mr. Blair would not need to have an office on Wall Street as he would be called upon "as needed" - and would give much of his advice over the telephone. He might occasionally attend a board meeting or go on visits to parts of the world where the bank had major interests.

Wow, sounds like being on the board of one of the agency holding companies!

Take your Olympics and shove it!

George Parker — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:06:00 GMT

Everyone over here is shocked that the International Olympic Committee had the unmitigated cheek to award the 2016 Olympics to Rio, rather than Chicago. Rubbing salt in the wound by eliminating Chicago in the very first round of voting. Wankers!

But, I’ll make you a bet right now that most Chicagoans are breathing a great big sigh of relief. ‘Cos based on just about every other host city, the citizens end up paying for it for years after the event has been forgotten. From what I’ve read, the costs for London to host the 2012 Olympics have already tripled, and we’re still three years away from the opening ceremony! Your children’s children will be paying for this long after you’ve gone to that big agency in the sky. Montreal’s 1976 Olympics left the city with $2.7 billion of debt that it finally paid off in 2005. That's almost thirty years.

Why cities want this dubious honor is beyond me. The whole thing has grown into a travesty of the Baron’s original dream. It is now a commercial, nationalist, jingoistic joke, stuffed with all kinds of events that are merely a vehicle to sell more swoosh emblazoned junk to kids who can’t afford it.

Make it all amateur again (are there any left?) And cut out all the sponsors. But, you say, then the host cities wouldn’t be able to afford to build all the different venues… Exactly. So you go back to the original events, running, jumping, throwing a big rock, and naked men wrestling. And you do it on the sports field of the local secondary modern. You make a profit selling tea and renting deck chairs.

Oh, and you can Tweet about it!

I just need $100 million to start this new social network. Trust me, it’s going to be worth billions!

George Parker — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 21:29:00 GMT

Did you happen to read the amazing interview in Monday’s Wall Street Journal with Jeff Horing, co-founder of Insight Venture Partners, a New York private-equity firm that was the lead investor in Twitter’s third and latest fund-raising round?

These are the geezers who just pumped in $100 million in funding to the 140 character wunderkindt, to give it a valuation of over ONE BILLION F******G DOLLARS. This for a company that to date, generates not one penny in revenue.

When asked about this amazing number, Horing said… “When we modeled it, we were looking at revenue somewhere between Google and Facebook. Google monetizes at $30 a user and Facebook is about $2 a user. If you look at Twitter’s user community and make some fairly conservative assumptions about revenue, we thought you could make a healthy exit at a multiple of a $1 billion.”

Hey, pardon me, but based on the Google and Facebook numbers, and the fact the Twitter's founders have made no bones about how at this stage, they don’t have a bloody clue how they’re going to start making money… For this guy to claim they are making conservative assumptions about revenue, smacks of either pig-headed bravado, or pig headed stupidity.

Remember, it was just three short years ago that Rupert Murdoch paid over half a billion dollars for MySpace, and all the pundit's said it was a steal? Now after massive layoffs, it’s leaking money like a sieve, and in all the happy chat about social media, it hardly ever gets mentioned.

In the Social-Sphere, three years is an eternity.

Something smells like Boo.Com to me.

Wow… How the mighty have fallen, only to get up, then fall again.

George Parker — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:27:00 GMT

When I first worked on the Dell account, back in San Francisco, in the early eighties, they were severely kicking everyone else's arse. Not only did they offer a superior product for a superior price… They overlaid this great sales model with the kind of service which guaranteed, not just that the average punter would keep sniffing around and buying because they were so happy with both the product and the service, but also, Corporate America, which was constantly worried about both the bottom line and the continuity of service and reduced costs, would keep coming back for more.

At the same time Ross Perot was launching an effort to win the Presidency. And he could have won it too, with a combination of his home spun philosophy, and his perceived honesty. Anyway, it didn’t work out for several weird reasons that would take too long to go into.

So, to read today that Dell is buying Perot systems for a mere $3.9 billion, leaves me wondering what the hell is going on? Is this an indication of the final transmogrification of the increasingly failing current American business model? Who the hell knows, everyone from IBM, to Microsoft, to Oracle is convinced that selling services is the future, rather than selling products. I don’t know. At the end of the day, I have this nagging feeling that if you don’t actually make something… You have *** all to sell. But, then again, what the hell do I know?

Old celebrities never die, they simply appear in bad TV spots!

George Parker — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:24:00 GMT

With the news today in the US that the latest Burger King gross out campaign from the frat boys in Boulder is once again relying on the use of celebrities to push stuff that will probably kill you, only serves to make me once again wonder if this stuff really works.

The new Burger King effort has has NASCAR driver Tony Stewart professing his love for “Whoppers.” No surprise there as the average NASCAR fan is certainly a whopper, if not a gargantuan, and that includes his misses. Apparently the TV features Stewart teaching other celebrities how to endorse products. One of them is Eric Estrada!!! That’s right, the guy with five hundred teeth that used to be in CHIPS five hundred years ago when your box had an eight inch screen, and everything was in green and black.

Still, every time I’m over in the UK, when I put the telly on as I empty the hotel mini-bar, I see people I thought had died in the eighteenth century, and they’re endorsing everything from knickers to knick-knacks. I’ll bet “Our Enery” is still flogging stuff. The only person I know older than him is Sir Cliff. But he’s got that picture in the attic you're not allowed to see!

How to make it big in advertising – Well, for a few weeks!

George Parker — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:59:00 GMT

I know the job scene in the ad biz is pretty bad over there, over here it’s desperate. And with the news out of the holding companies of their continuing drastic losses of income and declining profits, you know it’s only going to get worse. Particularly when the magic answer to all their problems is always to reduce the head count (management excluded) of their constituent agencies.

Today’s New York Times has an interesting piece titled “For a Select Few, Madison Avenue Has Dream Jobs.” Unfortunately, those dream jobs seem to be as temporary shills for vacation spots and off-beat tourism destinations. The job usually lasts for two or three months, you get paid just enough to cover your expenses, and you are expected to spend every waking hour Tweeting, Facebooking, MySpacing and generally filling the blogosphere with tons of crap.

The most amazing thing is that tens of thousands of people apply for these spots. Remember. Ben Southall, who won the contest sponsored by Queensland Tourism offering the “best job in the world”: a six-month gig to be a caretaker on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef and chronicle the experience via all the social sites that people with nothing better to do spend their lives on. There were 34,000 entries for the competition. Amazing. If you really want to, you can read Ben’s trivia on Twitter (twitter.com/Bensouthall) and a blog (islandreefjob.com.au).

Me, I'm going for a beer. Cheers.

It isn’t about reach, it’s about rejection!

George Parker — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 15:53:00 GMT

In case you hadn’t realized it, I am a multi-tasking, uber-achieving prince of the blogosphere… Meaning that apart from writing this occasional blog for BrandRepublic, I also write a US blog, and manage to bore the *** out of people with various articles and books. The rest of the time I drink, smoke and am generally obnoxious. Anyway, I do have a certain propensity to piss people off when I rant about what I consider to be the slavish insanities of users of such phenomena as MySpace, Facebook and Twitter.

Please don’t get me wrong here; I am not saying that they don’t have a certain appeal to people who can only express themselves in less than 140 characters, or want their home page to look like some art directional nightmare designed by your grandmother. Think email here… Isn’t 80% of the stuff that ends up in your inbox total ***? So why would you want to multiply that with Tweets, friends, pokes, virtual teddy bears and messages on your wall. There are only so many hours in the day. But, if your life is so pathetically barren you need to tell total strangers what you had for breakfast, so be it. I am only raising questions about their current ephemeral (as in short-lived) popularity. Who knows, one day they might be recognized as having been as important factors in the epochal changes of civilization as gunpowder, movable type and indoor plumbing. I doubt it. Think Second Life here… But, moving on…

What is described as “New Media” will, by the time you read it probably be “Old Media.” And will without question have since been replaced by “New-New Media,” or “Uber-Uber New media.” But rest assured, whatever the practitioners of these black arts choose to call them, they will be relentlessly promoted as the next big thing. Something you should definitely climb aboard before the express train leaves the station and you end up in penury for the rest of your miserable life because you didn’t jump aboard. Personally, over the years I’ve realized that sometimes it’s better to grab a cup of coffee, or a beer, in my case, relax, and wait for the next train. Most of the time, you’ll be far better off having missed out on the sheer exuberance and froth of whatever was on offer.

But then, we in the ad biz have always taken the optimistically blinkered view that with the explosion of choices via cable and satellite, the hundreds of magazines that now pander to virtually every niche interest, and the deluge of guerilla, new media, CGC, viral, social, experiential or whatever marketing opportunities are increasingly available, that we now have virtually unlimited ways to reach potential customers. What we conveniently choose to ignore is that the consumer now has unlimited ways to tune you out.

I am not a drug addict… How dare you Sir… But I do, however, advertise drugs!

George Parker — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 20:55:00 GMT

Anyone who’s ever lived over here for any extended amount of time has to wonder why the American public is brainwashed to the extent that they actually believe they have the best healthcare system in the world… Even though a quarter of the population has zero health insurance, and the vast majority who do, are likely to have it denied if, God forbid, they should actually get something that requires expensive treatment. The bottom line being, they are screwed!

Anyway, this is not a political rant, it’s about advertising. The big news stateside this week that there are a few members of congress who have actually grown some balls and are trying to reign in the rampant, soporific non-stop prescription drug advertising that continues to pollute the airwaves 24/7 in the land of the free. To which I have to say, guys, you have zero chance of passing this legislation.

As I have written about to great lengths, and with a great deal of feeeling in my last opus, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, the drug industry, and their armies of Washington lobyists, was the great savior of the BDA’s in the eighties after the final demise of fags and hard liquor ads, particularly when it came to the cornucopia of massive TV campaigns. That once glorious pig trough, where money was no object, and the resultant residuals pouring in over the transom, were enough to gag a stoat… Although, I’m glad to say that advertising for brain melting booze is on its way back.

So, in summation… Nothing will change. non-stop prescription drug advertising will be a fact of life for the rest of your life, particularly if you watch US, TV. Enfaticos may come and go, but drugs are forever. This is one of the few sources of income and profit BDA's can continue to count on in the foreseeable future.

Why Big Dumb Agencies will continue to get dumber!

George Parker — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 03:18:00 GMT

Coincidental with my recent BrandRepublic piece of the 22nd, talking about the tenth anniversary of David Ogilvy’s death, I have also been doing a series of posts on my US blog, AdScam, about an upcoming number of layoffs at Ogilvy’s New York Office which are expected to happen in the next week or so. Both pieces have drawn numerous comments, some of which are particular to Ogilvy’s current unfortunate condition, but many of which are about the parlous state of agencies in general at the moment.

As I have written about regularly in articles, blogs and books, I believe we are at a watershed moment in the advertising business. Yes, the advent of “New Media” is a major contributing factor, but it is not something we haven’t gone through before and learned to cope with. No, the true seismic change that has taken place in the business over the last thirty years is what I call its “Conglomeration.” Meaning that every major agency (With the single exception of W+K) belongs to one of the four major holding groups. All are publicly traded, and all are about making the quarterly numbers.

But this is becoming more difficult as clients become increasingly aware that “New Media” now offers them less expensive ways to communicate with consumers, and better yet, they don’t have to pay big fees to their traditional agencies to achieve this. Perhaps the most ominous cloud on the horizon for BDA’s (Big Dumb Agencies, as I love to call them) is the news last week that Wal-Mart is asking its suppliers to kick in as much a third of their ad budgets to Wal-Mart’s own ad program. In the case of P&G, this would be well over $1 billion dollars. Which in turn means P&G’s ad agencies are about to lose a third of their billings and fees. And as you know, what Wal-Mart wants, Wal-Mart gets, particularly if you want them to continue stocking your brand!

Not a good time to be a BDA.