Your bank really, truly, madly, wants to make you happy!

My last couple of posts have been about US health care and drug advertising, a huge cash cow for American agencies, and one that seems to be completely out of control as far as any kind of meaningful regulatory action is concerned.

The other sector of the American economy that has obviously been taking a lot of flak over the last year has been the banking and financial industry. With the massive bailout many of the banks have recently received, whilst continuing to pay top executives billions of dollars in bonuses, you would think they would at least have some kind of coherent communications strategy that did a couple of things. Admit they screwed up, big time. Thank the taxpayers for their money. And above all, promise never to *** things up again.

So, you have to laugh when you look at the new Bank of America campaign that’s just been launched to the tune of $40 million. In the words of a bank spokes-hack… We are using a series of spots with “simple, clear and direct” messaging to repair our relationship with consumers. They could start off by lowering their outrageous interest rates and banking fees. But no, these epics are all about how easy it is to buy *** you don’t need with your debit card, and how you can win useless rewards by spending more.

According to another spokes-hack, this one for the American Bankers Association… BofA’s move is indicative of a turning point in the recession. “There is still a lot of turbulence going on, and I don’t think it’s over yet. But they’re cuing in on some kind of consumer confidence and optimism that says, ‘Let’s get back to where things where.” Exactly what bloody consumer confidence and optimism would that be then?

It’s just another example of the disconnect continually demonstrated by both clients and their agencies (In this case BBDO) to their audience. All these bozos want is to   simply get back to things “the way they were.”

Gentlemen… Things will never again be the way they were. Particularly for the ad biz.

More on US Health Care!

One of the comments on my last post implied that people who work in advertising shouldn’t be too fussy when it comes to deciding whether or not they wanted to work on certain kinds of accounts… ‘Cos they pay your wages! This drove to write a comment in reply, which I then decided to turn into a post… Here it is…

@media village...
Does this mean you would like to see the return of cigarette advertising? I mean if it's all about holding down a job and paying the bills you may as well advertise everything with no restrictions. How about porn, snuff films, gladiator fights to the death, booze for tots?

The point is that right now in the US, as I am sure you know, there is a whole flap about reforming health care, which costs lots more than any other civilized country and delivers some of the worse results. In fact for 47 million with no insurance, it delivers no results. Standing right next to the insurance companies in this fiasco are the drug companies. And right next to them are the agencies, who have made hundreds of millions in the last few years.

As ad agencies we are tasked with encouraging consumers to demand very expensive branded products, when generics for a tenth of the price are just as good. And in a great many cases an aspirin would probably do as much good. I go into this in great detail in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. For some reason Amazon isn’t offering this in the UK… But, as it’s available on Kindle, come January, you’ll be able to get it on your iPhone… And because I am a prince. If anyone wants to read more, I’ll see if Gordon wants to run that health care chapter on BrandRepublic.

Hooked on Drugs!

For many years Madison Avenue pigged out at the trough of tobacco advertising. Back in the Mad Men days, cigarettes, booze and car accounts paid for many a Westchester mansion, country club fees and the odd boat or two. But with the ever tightening restrictions on tobacco and booze advertising things started to get a littel tougher. Then along came drugs… No, not the stuff you shove up your nose, the kinds your doctor prescribes for you.

And the good times were back… With a vengeance. Billions of dollars are now spent on DTC (Direct to Consumer) campaigns in an effort to make American Consumers bug the *** out of their doctors to get them to prescribe outrageously expensive medicines, often for ailments that don’t actually exist, such as “Restless Leg Syndrome” or “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”

No other country in the world allows this kind of advertising, and Madison Avenue laps it up. But perhaps not for much longer. Legislation has been introduced in the US Senate to eliminate the federal tax deduction on advertising for prescription-drugs. This could affect marketing budgets to the tune of millions, and as I say in the chapter devoted to health care advertising in my latest opus… The Ubiquitous Persuaders, US drug companies spend three times as much on marketing as they do on research and development.

I am sure, however, that the legislation will probably go nowhere. When the armies of drug company lobbyists flex their muscles and the senators are reminded that their re-election war chests might not be so full if they even think about voting for this bill, I’m sure in time honored tradition, it will languish in committee and eventually be forgotten. 

There’s much more on this in The Ubiquitous Persuaders. Buy it for crying out loud.

Is George Parker too big to fail?

Why am I not jumping up and down with joy when I read that Multi-zillionaire, Eric Schmidt, Google’s Chief Executive douchenozzle reported a 27% increase in profit in the third quarter, signaling what he referred to as the beginning of a recovery in the search-advertising market. He was also emphatic when stating that the worst of the economic downturn is over.

This on the same day that America’s biggest bank reports huge losses (no doubt requiring more of my tax dollars, cos it’s too bloody big to fail… Mmmm, as they happen to hold the mortgage on my house, I wonder if they’d help me out in the same way… Fat chance!) Also, GE reported quarterly financials that beat analysts expectations, even though profits fell 42% and revenue was down 20%… Which makes you wonder about these so called analysts.

Anyway, the point of this rant, isn’t necessarily political (Well, just a bit.) It’s that we have arrived at a situation where major corporations are underpinned their profitability by massive cost cutting and restructuring… Or in plain English, laying thousands of workers off. Ergo… No work… No money… No buying stuff… No advertising.

I don’t care how many times multi-billionaire CEO’s of advertising and marketing mega-companies tell us we have turned the corner with the light at the end of the tunnel showing us the green shoots… It’s bulls*h*i*t.

In the meantime, as my mortgage is too big to fail, please send donations to the George Parker Benevolent Fund. Ta very much!

President Sarkozy dans le m*e*r*d!!!

In the truth is stranger than fiction dept, French satirical investigative journalism weekly “Le Canard Enchaîné,“ has outed holier-than-thou French president, Nicolas Sarkozy for violating copyright laws.

In a stunning display of hypocrisy, the presidential department of audiovisual services produced 400 unauthorized copies of the 52 minutes documentary “A visage découvert : Nicolas Sarkozy“. This while President Sarkozy, just happens to be the one pushing the HADOPI law, which would disconnect the Internet service of an alleged copyright pirate after three allegations of infringement.

This isn't the first time he's been connected to copyright violations, either. His party had to pay €30K for using a song at a political rally without authorization. If he were subject to his own law, which is in effect a three strikes and you’re out provision, President Sarkozy would be having his Internet disconnected the next time he pirates something.

I wonder if Carla has checked her CD collection recently?

There’s now't so barmy as politics!

I was a bit gob smacked to read that Tony Blair is likely to be the next head of the European Union… A job that The Times says, no one wants him for. Which means he’ll probably get it. Over here in America, they love him. That’s why Bush gave him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, rather than JK Rowling, ‘cos Tony doesn’t go in for witchcraft. Mmm, I wouldn’t be too sure about that.

Anyway, the funniest bit was this… Meanwhile, Blair is said by some to have had some reservations about the presidency post, chief among them that he would earn less money than he does now giving speeches and other private work, and that the job would involve a lot of bureaucratic grind. But he would still earn about £250,000 a year with generous EU tax allowances, have a staff of at least 20 and a splendid Brussels residence.

Excuse me, but isn’t he rather busy at the moment bringing peace to the middle East from his permanent suite in the King David Hotel? And what about his two million pound a year job as an adviser to J.P.Morgan?

As described in The Telegraph at the time… Sources close to the bank said Mr. Blair would not need to have an office on Wall Street as he would be called upon "as needed" - and would give much of his advice over the telephone. He might occasionally attend a board meeting or go on visits to parts of the world where the bank had major interests.

Wow, sounds like being on the board of one of the agency holding companies!

Take your Olympics and shove it!

Everyone over here is shocked that the International Olympic Committee had the unmitigated cheek to award the 2016 Olympics to Rio, rather than Chicago. Rubbing salt in the wound by eliminating Chicago in the very first round of voting. Wankers!

But, I’ll make you a bet right now that most Chicagoans are breathing a great big sigh of relief. ‘Cos based on just about every other host city, the citizens end up paying for it for years after the event has been forgotten. From what I’ve read, the costs for London to host the 2012 Olympics have already tripled, and we’re still three years away from the opening ceremony! Your children’s children will be paying for this long after you’ve gone to that big agency in the sky. Montreal’s 1976 Olympics left the city with $2.7 billion of debt that it finally paid off in 2005. That's almost thirty years.

Why cities want this dubious honor is beyond me. The whole thing has grown into a travesty of the Baron’s original dream. It is now a commercial, nationalist, jingoistic joke, stuffed with all kinds of events that are merely a vehicle to sell more swoosh emblazoned junk to kids who can’t afford it.

Make it all amateur again (are there any left?) And cut out all the sponsors. But, you say, then the host cities wouldn’t be able to afford to build all the different venues… Exactly. So you go back to the original events, running, jumping, throwing a big rock, and naked men wrestling. And you do it on the sports field of the local secondary modern. You make a profit selling tea and renting deck chairs.

Oh, and you can Tweet about it!