Where there's muck, there's brass!!!

I was thrilled to see that my mates at Iris have been appointed to be the lead creatives on the European launch of the latest Wonderbra uber-grande, D-G cup sized "Upper-Decker-Wobbler-Checkers." (Standing by for hate filled sexist emails)

Why am I thrilled? Firstly, because I spoke at the their booze fueled "Under the Influence" Conference last year, and have it under good authority, I will be invited back to do a similar, semi-incoherent presentation this year.

Secondly, because Manchester is my home town and where my favorite beverage, Boddingtons, originated... Although, I've heard nasty rumors that "The Cream of Manchester" is now actually being brewed in Sussex, or some other God forsaken, southern poncey location. 

Anyway, the point of this ramble, is the rather dramatic change that has happened with the UK agency scene. When I left, in the late eighteenth century, everything happened in London. The best a Manchester agency could hope for was the local tripe shop account.

Don't get me wrong here, I love the North. I travel there often, particularly if "There's trouble down at t'mill." I also need to see to my whippet stables and ferret farms... Right Sean? But I now constantly read about major accounts being handled out of Wigan, Scunthorpe, Heckmondwike and John O Groats. Bloody hell... Next thing you know, Manchester will have some kind of music scene, and an even half way decent football club!

Enfatico... It's dead, so why doesn't it just lie down?

By now, most people are aware that the WPP Enfatico experiment, claiming to create the "Agency of the Future," is rapidly turning into an Enfiasco. In business for more than fourteen months, there is little to show from Sir Martin's venture, other than a campaign created for India.

With the layoffs on Tuesday of up to 100 people, the agency put out the same mealy mouthed PR releases we have come to expect in these circumstances. You can read them via the links on Wednesday's BrandRepublic Daily news bulletin.

Most pathetic is Enfatico's CEO statement... "We have several new business pitches in the works, and we are hopeful to announce some positive news on this front soon." Which is exactly what he said to AdAge six months ago. As I have repeatedly advised over the years. Why the hell don't these people "Shut the f**k up" until they actually have something to brag about.

My final forecast... Enfatico will be rolled into Grey or Y&R within six months... And the agency of the future will rapidly become the agency of the past.

It's Tiger Woods time... Yawn!

It's probably not as bad in the UK, but over here, I've enjoyed nine months of not having Tiger Woods thrust in my face every time I turn on the TV, or open a newspaper and magazine. Yeah, he's the greatest golfer since Sir Walter Scott, or whoever, but give me a break, what the hell has that got to do with cars, watches, beer, corn plasters, IT systems and just about every ad category you can possibly think off?

I've never been a great fan of celebrity endorsements, 'cos anyone with half a brain knows they're doing it for the money... Right? - Read Beckham here, Or the Portuguese footballer of your choice. OK, as expected, Nike Golf will be commemorating the return of Tiger to tournament golf this week after an eight-month hiatus with a 60-second TV spot. Called “The Good Life,” (and no it's not about keeping pigs in your back yard) it will air on US networks, ESPN, ESPN News, Golf Channel and NikeGolf.com. As usual, Wieden does the honors.

But please, I don't want to see him in breakfast cereal, or adult nappie ads. Unless someone catches him smoking a bong while he's doing it!

If you're going to bullshit... Bullshit big!

There's been a lot of fuss over here in the last few weeks about Peter Arnell's redesign of the Pepsi logo. Apart from the fact that this whole exercise will cost millions if you include the expense of changing the packaging, signage, trucks, etc, etc, the logo looks only marginally different from the one it replaces.

Compounding the felony is a 27 page document Arnell put out justifying this exercise in stupidity. As AdAge's Rupal Parekh, describes it... "Littered with marketing jargon, images of yin-yangs, mobius strips and Da Vinci's Vitruvian man, you'll maybe wonder whether Michael Phelps wasn't the only one hitting that bong." Great stuff. Arnell is well known as an uber-poseur, who even claimed that his horrible 3-D TV spot in the Super Bowl was as historic a moment as Thomas Edison's invention of motion pictures!

It's hard to understand this guy's Rasputin-like effect on big time clients. If any one else had made a mistake half as bad as the Celine Dion/Chrysler sponsorship fiasco of a couple of years ago, they would never work again. And yet he's been re-hired for millions by Chrysler as "Chief Innovation Officer!" Whatever that means... All while soaking up tax payers bail-out money.

No wonder ad people are down at the bottom of the respect barrel along with second hand car salespeople and politicians.