I moved to Boise, Idaho, ten years ago from New York. I kept an apartment in New York until a couple of years ago when they raised the rent to $6,000 a month... Which I suppose by London standards is cheap!
Anyway, the point of this ramble is that the largest employer in Idaho is Micron, one of the world's largest manufacturers of memory chips. I even did some ads for them until I realized that all they wanted was crap and they thought they could pay peanuts for it. So, I laughed when I read the news today that they had just announced another disastrous quarter, losing hundreds of millions of dollars. And guess what? Their stock price shot up... Why? "Cos they announced they were going to lay off thousands of workers, which is good news to Wall Street, not too cheering for the poor wankers who will soon be on the dole - Which only lasts for six months in America, after that you're on your own!
That's the great puzzle about America, most people have no job security, no health insurance, they live from pay check to pay check, can only afford to eat junk food, accept the fact that their sons and daughters are losing their lives in Iraq in a war that was started for the benefit of "Big Oil." And half of them continue to believe the sun shines out of Bush's arse. I'm amazed there hasn't been a revolution yet.
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At the time I'm posting this, (9.00 Mountain time in the US) it's already Friday in the UK, which means it's now officially "IPhone Day!" Yeah... So, King Steve will finally let the great unwashed masses of Apple Freaks get their sweaty mitts on a $600 iPhone... Oh, and the AT&T service here in the USA will cost you another $100 per month... God knows what it will be in the British Isles.
But who cares. You'll be the first on your block with an iPhone, making all your pals sick with envy for about a week. By which time they'll all have one. I read somewhere the other day that there are already more than 1000 iPhone accessories on the market, from Gucci carrying bags to shoulder straps... But, 1000 accessories! How many ways can you gussy the thing up?
Funny to read that before you can use the pocket miracle, (not that anyone is going to keep it in their pocket when you can confound the hoi polloi by having it stitched to your ear 24/7) you actually have to sit through a twenty minute tutorial on Apple's web site. I still say that a touch type screen is a bummer, particularly for all those messaging freaks out there, who will soon realize they cant beat the tactile feeling of a real keyboard... Because. that's what killed IBM"s PC Junior in the mid-eighties, remember... Oh, I forgot, that was back in the dark ages of the pre-dot-com revolution!
I had to laugh when I read in Tuesday's on-line "Guardian" that Manchester United, undoubtedly one of the world's great football teams (OK, so I was born in Manchester, so I'm biased) has decided to undertake a huge on-line campaign aimed at increasing their world wide fan base to 50 million.
I'm not surprised as their distinctive kit seems to be worn by street urchins across the world from China to South Africa.
And, as the impending arrival of Beck's in Los Angeles will no doubt prove, the actual game is increasingly taking second place to selling boat loads of tacky merchandise. No, what I laughed about after reading the Guardian piece, was that ex Saatchi & Saatchi ad-lad, Lee Daley, who is now United's Commercial Director, actually had United's Senior Management flown over to last weeks Cannes Festival to make pitches at everyone and anyone associated with the ad biz.
Not to be outdone by AdLand's hoi polloi, they rented a yacht and hosted a giant piss up for the hundreds of media and marketing scumbags in attendance at the world's most over hyped AdFest. So, what's next for Manchester United... Getting Damien Hurst to do diamond encrusted jerseys?
The news today that the "Wizened of Oz," Rupert Murdoch, has taken a giant step toward adding the Wall Street Journal to his vast portfolio, means that we now look forward to the dumbing down of one of America's most reputable newspapers.
Apparently, Dow Jones and News Corp. have come to terms on a deal that would create an independent board to oversee the Journal and the hiring of its editorial writers should the acquisition go through. This agreement removes the biggest stumbling block in Murdoch's $5 billion bid to own the company, though the plan must still be approved by the controlling Bancroft family.
I have to admit, I'm not a fan of the editorial content of The Journal, as most of it is only slightly to the right of Genghis Khan. But, some of the writers are amongst the best in the US. Having seen what Murdoch has done to just about everything his greedy paws have grabbed, even after promising to not influence their editorial policies, I'm sure we can look forward to nudes on page three.
And when he starts his new financial TV network, naming it after the Wall Street Journal, if it ends up as "Fair and Balanced" as the Fox News Network, I'm sure we can look forward to objectivity being thrown out, along with a sizable number of WSJ staff. After all, someone has to pay the $5 billion tab for this little exercise, and it won't be "The Dirty Digger!"
Ever since the news a couple of weeks ago that Anheuser-Busch, maker of the world's worst beer, had decided to pull the plug on its ill-fated attempt at creating a Web channel... "BudTV," there's been all kinds of chatter about whether or not it's completely dead, or just being revamped.
The latest is that it will survive, but with massive modifications. The main thing seems to be the realization by Bud that their audience is a little less than "sophisticated." This means Webisodes will shrink from 5 minutes to 30 seconds... Mmmm, sounds like a TV spot to me. I guess that also gives you more time in the bathroom to get all that "beer made from rice that tastes like water" out of your system.
They have also come to the conclusion that some of their content was a little too edgy for the typical Bud drinker. This probably means less erudition and a lot more talking frogs. Sponsorship will also concentrate on NASCAR. Probably 'cos drivers can drive their ten million horsepower chariots 500 times round a circular track while drinking Bud Light, as the almost zero alcoholic content will have absolutely no effect on their driving skills (what skills?) Anyway, NASCAR fans only go to the races to watch the crashes. Maybe they should get the talking frogs to drive the cars.
I've always said that one day Google will own the entire bloody universe. Not just because they are becoming so pervasive and getting into every damn thing you can think of, but mainly because they are so bloody smart.
A case in point is the piece in today's Washington Post pointing out that two years ago, Google was on the verge of making a Microsoft-like error of not wielding influence in the Washington corridors of power. Alan B. Davidson, then a 37-year-old former deputy director of the Center for Democracy & Technology, was the search-engine company's sole staff lobbyist in Washington. As recently as last year, Google co-founder Sergey Brin had trouble getting meetings with members of Congress.
To change that, Google went on a hiring spree and now has 12 lobbyists and lobbying-related professionals on staff here — more than double the size of the standard corporate lobbying office — and is continuing to add people. Microsoft now has 23 people working out of its government affairs office in Washington; 16 are lobbyists.
Both Google and Microsoft are raising many thousands of dollars to fund that most ubiquitous feature of American politics... PACS, or Political Action Committee's. I know politicians in Britain sell the odd peerage, but here in American political life, everything is for sale, and I do mean everything!
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Remember the famous American campaign of many years ago for Perdue Chickens... "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken?" It won a ton of awards and if you dig out all those awards annuals you've got down in the garden shed covered in compost, you'll come across it.
Well the news just out today from the Tyson chicken company that it will no longer use antibiotics when it raises the little cluckers, might encourage some smart assed ad guys to come up with some pretty provocative advertising... But no, we're going to get a $70 million ad campaign aimed at mothers, featuring the tagline “Thank you.”
Wow, that'll get em fighting at the check out lines to be the first on the block with a drug free chicken for dinner. It'll also make all those people who patronize places like Kentucky Fried Chicken feel good that their deep fried in axle grease, soaked in sodium baths 'til they have the consistency of well boiled rag, chicken bits, are no longer injected up the arse with antibiotics, steroids and various other enemas. On that note, I'll say "Thank You!"
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Dontcha just love the way they spin the bullshit at giant corporations when some senior suit gets to walk the plank? Take for instance, the way Yahoo is spinning the tale of the instant demise of CEO Terry Semel and his relegation to the non-executive dunces chair in the corner, while co-founder Jerry Yang takes over as CEO and Sue Decker as president.
64-year-old former movie studio exec. Semel pretended all this crap was part of a well planned transition... "As we discussed my future goals and plans, I was clear in telling you of my desire to take a step back sooner rather than later," Semel wrote to the board. "I know we all agree that Jerry and Sue, with their superb talents and intense dedication to Yahoo and its people, are the perfect combination to carry us forward. This is the time for new executive leadership, with different skills and strengths, to step in and drive the company to realize its full potential - it is the right thing to do, and the right time is now." Yeah... What a load of tripe!
New CEO Yang was equally uxorious with his praise... "Since coming on board in 2001, Terry has given Yahoo six of its best years. He delivered great value to our users, advertisers and shareholders. ... I will always be grateful for the incredible achievements under his leadership - and for his mentorship and friendship." Bloody hell, do they think for one minute anyone is going to swallow that much boloney all at once?
I must say, “Big Brother” is a bit of a mystery to me. I’ve never seen it… We have enough really crappy programming over here without importing that, or anything else Simon Whatever his name is, happens to come up with.
Anyway, some famous, filthy rich AdBrit has gone in the house. When I was over a couple of weeks ago, two blonde bints with big knockers were going in… Are they still there? Will this AdGeezer (who seems to have a bit of a reputation in that area) have his way with them?
I don’t understand how it works, but here’s a suggestion. And in true Mrs B style, you can have it for free. Every time I’m over there and turn on the TV, all I see is people who I thought had died years ago… Jimmy Saville, Bruce Forsyth, Lulu, Terry Wogan, and worse of all Sir Cliff Richards. This guy must have a painting in his attic with snakes growing out of his eyes, or something. He’s scary.
Anyway, get all these geriatric stars and lock them in the BB house. But no one can be voted out. The others have to kill them 'til there's only Bruce Forsyth and a bunch of cuddly toys left. Then in a few months you can look forward to brand new singers, celebrity chefs, footballers, fashion models and really wanky, drugged to the eyeballs members of pop groups.
Anyway, good luck to Jonathan Durden, whoever he is. He obviously doesn’t have anything better to do at the moment. And if the blonde twins are still in there… Who knows?
And no matter what Claire Foss says in the forums, I’m not going in. Unless, that is, the twins make me an offer I can’t refuse!
One of my favorite bloggers, Ralf Ziegermann, "The Cartoonist," has just posted a podcast he did with me earlier in the week after I had returned to the States from my very alcoholic London trip.
Ralf and I spent a very boozy afternoon outside a pub on Tottenham Court Road the day after the conference, talking about the state of the business and where it might go from here... Or not! I shoot my mouth off for thirty minutes or so, interspersed with a very eclectic series of early radio ads from Ralf's bumper collection of advertising memorabilia.
He has a very interesting site full of stuff from all over Europe that you don't get on the usual "Wanky" ad blogs which seem to do nothing but show ads and TV spots from far away places that never actually ran, or were produced for entry into the never ending proliferation of award shows. So, if you want to listen to the rantings of an "Old Fart," check it out.
News today that Karen Hughes, the Bush administrations hack PR lady responsible for improving the "Image" of the US around the world, has, after nearly two years of deep thought while dining in some of the capitol's finer eateries, come out with a "Public Diplomacy Strategy," designed to counter the somewhat less than favorable picture of America in the rest of the world.
For those who forget, Ms. Hughes was the lady who went to Saudi Arabia and told a bunch of Saudi women that American democracy would mean they could drives cars, smoke on the street, and go out binge drinking on Friday night with their mates... Or, something like that. Anyway, she's from Texas, so what can you expect. Seems like the 34 page document fails to mention such trivia as Abu Graib and Guantanamo Bay, probably concentrating on the health benefits of "Big Macs" and "Bud Light."
Critics say better diplomatic public relations is unlikely to change the low global opinion of the United States. Wow, who would have thought that?
So Nissan has a new car "Dualis," which I think is only available in Japan so far. Looks nice, but it comes with a strange (maybe not for Japan) marketing concept... "The Power Suit!" I guess the idea is that the car turns you into some kind of "Transformer Robot" so you can leap over traffic and shit like that.
The Web site is really nice and within it is the TV campaign which is pretty stupid. But then again, having been to Japan a few times, I understand they do things very differently there. That's why one of my all time favourite movies is "Lost in Translation." Still check out the Web site. It's an interesting concept, but as I say, the TV is rather stupid... But maybe that's just me. Saki anyone?
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When I was over there last week, I noticed that the non stop music in the pubs is getting louder and louder. Firstly, I have no idea why ninety percent of the pubs in Britain seem to be full of slot machines and juke boxes. Maybe that's why everyone seems to drink outside on the pavement. It's the only place you can have a reasonable conversation. Anyway, turns out I was right after reading a piece in The Times on the flight back.
It would seem that artists and record bosses believe that the best album is the loudest one. Sound levels are being artificially enhanced so that the music punches through when it competes against background noise in pubs or cars.
Aparently a lot of what's released today is basically a scrunched-up mess. Whole layers of sound are missing, because record companies don't trust the listener to decide for themselves if they want to turn the volume up. Downloading has exacerbated the effect.
Songs are compressed again into digital files before being sold on iTunes etc. The reduction in quality is so marked that EMI has introduced higher-quality digital tracks, which of course, you have to pay through the arse for. Isn't it great to be always right?
Having never swallowed for a moment the bullshit about Britain now being a classless society - I mean do I have to know that Joe Blogs, new MD of TopDogs petfoods Ltd, went to Eaton, was an officer in the Guards, drives a Bentley and lives in a ten million pound mansion in Brixton... What I want to know is does the wanker make food that won't kill Rover?
Anyway, I was amused to read that Land Rover's "Go Beyond" campaign just came out with a new ad featuring Zara Philips. OK, so she's a "world class" horse woman, and a lot of country toffs and horsy people drive Land Rovers. But don't tell me the fact that she's a Royal didn't have a great deal to do with it. The first ad had a neat touch to it with her sat in a posh gown covered in crap... But the new one just shows a bog standard picture of her jumping over a fence on "Toytown." (What kind of a name is that for a horse? I'll bet horses with names like "Charger" and "Thunderbolt" take the piss out of it back at the stables!) I mean how expected and boring is that?
I would think RainKellerCampSpingleRollOverLaughing/Y&R could do better than this.
I must say that having been back a couple of days, I am reminded how dull, if not boring, the US newspaper scene is. I live in Boise Idaho now, so my morning paper is "The Idaho Statesman" which when you take out the ad sections, paid-for obits and religious junk, consists of about eight pages of two day old wire stories and extreme right wing columnists. I do enjoy the "Comics" section, which is how I describe the letters to the editor, most of which usually pointing out that Bush has a mandate from God and don't let those UN wankers take away our guns.
Fortunately, I can pick up the west coast edition of The New York Times at lunchtime when it's flown in from Seattle. But even that is starting to piss me off because it is increasingly reflecting the mind set of the average American, with the latest war dead toll from Iraq (always Americans - Forget the Iraqis) mentioned in a foot note on page 12.
Meantime, as the economy heads towards a melt down with the bottom starting to drop out of the housing market and the average working person getting something like one millionth the income of the average CEO, financial news is reported through rose tinted glasses. As I write this, the Dow is down 170 points, but described in the financial press as being down a "little" over 100. Massive drops in the market are described as investors "taking profits." Even bigger drops are described as "buying opportunities." I guess the Great Depression of the thirties would be described as a "temporary correction." Maybe there's something to be said for the "Wizened of Oz's" page three "knockers" after all!
George Parker
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