MadScam

George Parker

While speaking at the PSFK Conference in New York last week, a young lady asked me if I'd seen many changes in the business, as I had obviously been in it for a long time (The clue may have been my claret cratered, Rumpole like features).

I was about to say "Oh, lots," but then I paused to think about it, and was forced to admit… "Actually, just one!" And when she asked what that was, I replied, "New Media." Because when you think about it, most of what we do hasn't changed at all. And it's still one of the most screwed up, paranoid businesses around. Not that I'm knocking it, having hammered many corporate Titanium credit cards into oblivion over the years, thanks to my chosen profession.

In the course of doing research for my next book "The Ubiquitous Persuaders, " which is a fifty year update on Vance Packard's classic "The Hidden Persuaders," I've arrived at the conclusion that when it comes to advertising there's really no difference between apples and oranges, the end result is nearly always an orange. I could have said it's like making sausages, but the visual wouldn't have been as pretty. (Thanks to my old mate, John Turner for the orange shot) So, what's my point? Simply that having been in the business longer than most of you have been "tooling around" behind the bicycle shed, I must own up to being one of those old farts who think everything produced umpteen years ago was brilliant. Yeah, I know 90% of it was crap… But, guess what? It isn't really that much different from today, 'cos crap happens every day in the ad biz, irrespective of what year it is. And even though most stuff today looks great, with multi-million dollar budgets and CGI coming out of your eyeballs, as Gertrude Stein once said… "There's no there, there!"

Every time I see an "Award Winning" Axe spot, I think back to when I was "The Agency Fireman" at Dorland's in the seventies, doing amongst other things, all the Old Spice stuff. An account that ran on "The 3 B's Principle," Boats – Birds – Boobs. Total rubbish! But I got to shoot everything in the South of France and run up bar bills at the Negresco the size of a small African nation's GDP. And the pathetic thing is, to this day, the message hasn't changed… Splash this on, get laid! At least in those days we didn't have the effrontery to enter crap like that in the Cannes Fest.

The major changes, as I said when I started this rant, has been in media in general and new media in particular. When Packard wrote his book you could reach 80% of America via three TV channels and three magazines. Today, no matter how much money you spend, you can't efficiently reach 80% of the national audience (I'm sure it's the same in the UK) because it's so fragmented. And in some respects, unless you have a unique product which appeals to everyone, why would you want to? Now thanks to New Media, you can identify and target exactly the audience you want. But once you've done that, you still have to communicate with them; you still have to make them interested in what you have to say.

My two favourite quotes are both from famous dead ad guys… "The consumer isn't a moron… She's your wife." David Ogilvy. "People don't read advertising; they read what they're interested in." Howard Gossage. In my humble opinion, both of these should be branded on the forehead of everyone who works in advertising, and those who forget them should have their extremities chopped off until they remember them.

So why do we still resort to "Splash this on… Get laid" and "Drink this… Get pissed?" Why do we still have mums in TV spots who in spite of the baby doing a load in its nappies and the dog throwing up on her best rug, are always cheerful because she's "rewarded herself" with a cup of "Wizzo" tea. Why do airline spots always show people in First Class? Why are car ads always shot on wet roads, but the cars are sparkling. Why does most of the advertising we inflict on people bear no relationship to the reality of their lives?

I guess the point I am trying to make is that while the ways we now have at our disposal to reach and influence our audience are increasing and becoming more sophisticated in execution, the content of what we're saying, hasn't really changed at all. In fact, looking back at the work of DDB and others who instigated the "Creative Revolution" of the sixties, I'd say that in many ways, we have regressed.

We are trapped in a business that pays a great deal more than collecting garbage, even though at times we may be forced to produce garbage. And, if we're lucky, we travel the world and stay in four star hotels while emptying the mini-bar and calling room service for transvestite massage artists (I hasten to add, this is not based on personal experience!!!) And yes, we may occasionally produce something our grandchildren will not be ashamed to acknowledge. But what we do is more often than not of little importance and is never going to hang on the walls of the Louvre.

It doesn't matter if you spend a fortune on high-priced talent; shoot with the most expensive director in the Universe, CGI the crap out of it… Or go viral, or guerrilla, or stealth, or whatever. If the content sucks, the advertising sucks.

So, sit down, pour yourself a drink and watch the 1967 VW "Snow Plough" spot a hundred times. Then for something home grown, pour yourself another drink and watch the Hamlet "Photo Booth" spot 'til you stop wetting yourself.