There’s a really interesting piece in the Sunday L.A.Times about the continuing decline of the movie business for all kinds of reasons, but what I found interesting was that at the same time there is an increase in the desire for information about the people in the movies. This is particularly important to young people, in which being seen as part of an informational elite — an elite that knew which celebrities were dating each other, which had had plastic surgery, who was in rehab, maybe shaved heads are back in style etc. — was more gratifying than actually seeing the movies they were appearing in.
If you extrapolate this, it means the primary function of the studios is essentially to provide star gossip for the entertainment press and TV. Both the US and the UK are awash with magazines and TV shows dealing with celebrity chit-chat… Which now of course covers the sports world as well.
No wonder we’ve witnessed an orgasm if trivia about the move of “Posh & Becks” to La La land later this year. I mean this is two for the price of one, sports and glam, all wrapped up in a $250 million package. We can expect to be bombarded with that ‘til “Becks” finally wraps up his sporting career and “Posh” gives up trying to resurrect her show biz one. But by that time, we’ll probably all be dead!
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The phenomenal growth of MySpace is not only enriching “The Wizened of Oz,” (Rupert Murdoch) it’s also causing a problem for most of the acne encrusted teen users of this leader in the social networking craze currently engulfing the teenagers of the world, giving them yet another excuse not to do their homework, wash the dishes, or take out the dust bins – Unlike American trash cans, does that mean you can only put dust in a an English dust bin?
Anyway, one of the things that’s a big deal on MySpace is listing and having pictures of all your friends on your home page. Problem is, if you’re some kind of loser, you don’t have many friends, so you come off looking like… A loser! Well now, your problems are over with the launch of FakeYourSpace.com a business founded by Brant Walker, which offered users of MySpace.com and similar sites a way to enhance their page with photographs and comments from hired “friends” — mainly attractive models — for 99 cents a month each.
Loved his overview of his business when interviewed by the New York Times… His idea, he said, was “to turn cyberlosers into social-networking magnets” by providing fictitious postings from attractive people. The postings are written by the client or by Mr. Walker and his employees, who base the messages on the client’s requests.
The guy is obviously destined to become a millionaire, then sell out to “The Wizened of Oz” who will have pictures of all his two friends… George Bush and Tony Blair, with all kinds of flattering comments from his employees… The ones who want to continue as employees, that is!
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Here’s one you can put in the “Well… Duhh” column! After spending obscene amounts of money on all kinds of esoteric research, American social scientists have come up with the startling revelation that people have a harder time coming up with alternative solutions to a problem when they are part of a group, than when they sit in isolation, picking their nose and scratching their bum. Well, that’s not exactly the word’s they used, but if you’ve ever worked in a BDA (Big Dumb Agency) you know exactly what I’m talking about.
These, about to win the Nobel Prize for “Obviousness” researchers speculated that when a group of people receives information, the inclination is to discuss it. The more times one option is said aloud, the harder it is for individuals to recall other options, as was explained by a professor of marketing. Well yes… And he’s probably an MBA! So, he obviously knows which end of his chip buttie the “Daddies” is on.
The same professor said individuals, whether students, executives or football fans, should take time to consider the facts on their own before coming to a consensus.
Well yes, unless those self same football fans are kicking the crap out of you ‘cos you failed to reach a consensus that your team was a bunch of wankers!
In all the years I’ve been over here, I am still amazed at the parochialism of the average American. It’s not that so few of them have ever traveled outside the country (less than half the sitting members of Congress have a passport,) it’s the lack of knowledge and interest of things non-American.
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This is particularly true when it comes to sports. That’s why the winners of national championships for everything from baseball, to football, (American style) to NASCAR, to rodeo bull riding, are unabashedly referred to as “World Champions.” Every four years, when suffering through the TV networks airing of the Olympics, you soon realize that 60% of the coverage is of American athletes, with the other 40% being reserved for stories of the sacrifice and dedication of those representing their country… Which is always America.
At the time of writing, millions of dollars in sponsorship are being lavished on teen-age golfer, Michelle Wie, who has never won a single tournament, but may do one day. Unlike the millions currently being paid for the services of tennis “Babe” Anna Kournikovia, now an American, who also has never won anything, and at this stage of her career, never will.
Anyone in the ad biz who’s been forced to work with Art Directors knows that apart from being scruffy gits and more often than not brain dead, so that all the thinking is left to the writer half of the team (Yeah, you guessed it, I’m a writer,) knows that to a man, woman, or anything in between, they are all Mac bigots. If it’s made by Apple and has been blessed by Pope Jobs it is the ultimate example of functionality, design and above all “coolness.”
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One of the things you quickly realize when you’ve been in the States for a short time is that the network TV channels not only play to the lowest common denominator in terms of program content, but the commercials, which if you include station promos and other bits and pieces that occupy a third of the air time, are also mind numbingly “ordinary.” By that I mean they not only fail to challenge your imagination, they also simply rehash every “slice-of-life,” “product-demo,” been there, done that scenario you’ve ever been forced to watch while munching on your microwaved, macaroni and cheese, gourmet instant dinner.
The big brouhaha at the moment is over a couple of car spots based on suicide plots. One with a guy about to jump off a high building ‘cos he can’t find a car for under $17,000. Then the voice over informs him there are currently three VW’s available for under that price. So, he has second thoughts. Yeah… Right!
The other is a GM spot featuring a robot that commits suicide ‘cos he gets laid off. (But, it’s OK, it’s only a dream!) The fact that when it ran GM was about to lay off 13,000 people didn’t seem to upset anyone. No, it was the fact that a robot would take its own life… Isn’t there a Philip Dick rule about that?
Anyway, the VW spot was pulled, the GM spot was modified so that the robot has a long and productive life on the GM assembly line, while the 13,000 laid off “Real People” go on the dole. Which in America means after 13 weeks they’ll probably move into a Salvation Army hostel and live on food stamps.
Anyway, having said all that, every time I cross the pond and check into a British hotel, first thing I do is switch on the “Telly.” And guess what? 90% of the programming and commercials on there suck just as much as the American stuff. But the picture quality is better!
I have to admit that in spite of living in the US for more years than most of the readers of this blog have been on the surface of the planet, Wall Street continues to be a deep, dark chasm of unfathomable mystery to me. Yes, I have worked on all kinds of financial ad accounts from Chase Manhattan, to Bank of America, to Merrill Lynch, to Charles Schwab. But I still don’t understand the financial market… And I have a sneaking suspicion that most of the people working in it don’t either.
For instance, at the close of markets yesterday, Hewlett-Packard announced that both revenues and profits were up significantly for the first time in the last three years. Which was when they showed CEO “Queen Carly” (Carly Fiorina) the door, helped along with a $45 million golden parachute, even though she had driven the value of this once proud company through the floor. But no surprises there. In common with many other American CEO’s who have almost destroyed once proud companies during their tenure after being showered with more money than you or I will ever see in our lifetimes, they leave and write a book about how they “Wuz Robbed!” Shades of Boo.Com!!!
Anyway, back to H-P. What was the reaction of Wall Street after the announcement of this sterling turnaround in the company’s fortunes? To a man, they hammered the stock driving it down by more than 6%. At the same time, its main rival, Dell computer, which has been going through all kinds of troubles and losing market share and profitability all over the place, is up nicely, thank you!
So, what’s my point here? H-P does great advertising, courtesy of Goodby, Silverstein and Partners. Dells advertising sucks… I can’t even remember who does it now; it’s bounced around so much. I only remember when I worked on it at Chiat back in the eighties, we did some pretty neat stuff, and in fact some of it’s on my web site. But, ever since then it’s been going downhill… He said modestly!
Which indicates to me that advertising can have a definite affect on a company’s sales and profitability, whereas it might not do anything for its share price.
But then again, the only thing less quantifiable than the stock market is advertising. Otherwise, we’d all be out of a job.
I went on a bit in my last post about “Event TV” and how the only real event TV spot ever made was the Rid Scott, Steve Hayden and El Jobo Apple 1984 epic. But, having said that, I often wish, looking back on my somewhat checkered career, I had received a dollar for every time a client has asked me for “a 1984.” Whenever that happened, I have been forced to tell them that not only could they not afford it, they wouldn’t have the gumption to only run it once, and above all, they wouldn’t have the balls to approve it in the first place.
I would also be rich if I had a dollar for every time a client has asked me for an “Intel Inside” advertising campaign. In this case I am obliged to take them by the hand and gently explain that “Intel Inside” is not an advertising campaign. Yes, Intel has run hundreds of ads featuring that tag line, but what they have also done over the last twenty years is shelled out mega-millions of dollars on probably the world’s most ambitious co-op program. Every time you see that logo on a Dell, IBM, H-P, Acer, you name it computer/server ad, Intel has kicked in a significant amount towards the media cost. And they’ve been doing it since the eighties.
Consider back then if anyone gave a toss what chip was running their Ford gearbox sized PC. The one that ran DOS, had virtually no graphics, and used floppy’s the size of dinner plates. Amazingly, in those dim, dark, Silicon Valley days, the Marketing Director of Intel (I can’t remember his name, too much gin has flowed under the bridge since then) convinced Intel management – A bunch of propeller headed geeks – They should spend obscene amounts of money building a brand. This is not a corn flake company we’re talking about here. This is a microprocessor company. They make stuff 99.99% of human beings never see. And the geeks said… OK.
There is absolutely no question this would never happen today. The bean-counting MBA’s would Power-Point the crap out of such a stupid suggestion, proving without a shadow of a doubt that it couldn’t work, because it never had worked.
Or to put it another way, in the words of that late, great Guinness poster. “I don’t like the taste of Guinness… That’s why I’ve never tried it."
The Super Bowl is over, let the Oscars begin...The Super Bowl is over, let the Oscars begin. These annual Telly-centric fests are billed by agencies and their clients as “Event TV.” Which, because both are the crown jewels of network TV’s winter schedule, means lots and lots of commercials. Which used to be OK, because in-between watching men the size of a semi-detached house in Putney crash into each other, then stagger off the field to suck on Oxygen masks before going back out on the plastic turf to do it all over again, you could guarantee that a fair proportion of the spots being aired were actually a lot more entertaining than the game itself. Sadly, those days are over. Because ninety percent of the spots aired were not only predictable, me-too and boring… They truly sucked. Oh yes, thanks to the wonders of CGI and Pytka-esque budgets, all had production values going through the roof. But as dear old Gertrude Stein once said in reference to Oakland… “There’s no there, there.” Every car commercial, and there were lots, was of the “Your Logo Goes Here,” variety. There were no less than NINE spots for Bud, The King of Beers, which happens to be made from rice (doesn’t that make it Sake?) and was declared by the German hosts of last years World Cup as being fit only for washing cars. But the thing that really gets up my nose is when the Madison Avenue mob claims that when you run a spot on the Super Bowl, it becomes an “Event.” Unfortunately, the problem with these people is that they do not understand the meaning of "Event TV" when it comes to commercials. The worst example was the insurance company spot using the unbelievably grotesque Kevin Federline where Britney's ex wakes up from his dream of MTV glory and is working in a fast food joint. It would have been funny as a "disclose" if the first time you saw it was during the Super Bowl. But as everyone had seen it for weeks before over the internet and on the client’s web site... There was no "disclose." What there was, was a yawn. This is what is counter-productive when we convince clients they can amortize their investment over everything from TV to airline barf bags. The only Event TV commercial ever, was Apple's 1984 spot. It was hyped before the event without giving a hint as to its content. It ran ONCE... And never ran again! Do you know a single client who would have the balls to make what was then the world's most expensive commercial AND ONLY RUN IT ONCE? Yet, it still continues to generate hype and recognition for Apple. That's what I call "Event TV!" If you ask me... Clients and their boot licking agencies don't have the balls, let alone the brains, to really do Event TV!
George Parker
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