Gary McKinnon farrago - time for Fleet Street to show some mettle

All credit to those media companies that have supported the battle of Asperger sufferer Gary McKinnon to overturn a despicable extradition order cooked up by former home secretary, and wife of habitual one-handed TV viewer, Jacqui Smith.

Much shame therefore should be pointed at her replacement Alan Johnson and the judicial system for failing to throw the extradition out today.

Many papers have joined forces with civil rights campaigners, sympathetic politicians and celebrities to show their support for McKinnon who was caught hacking into Nasa and Pentagon computers pursuing a harmless obsession with UFOs and could face 60 years in prison in the US. Sadly, the government has once again shown that it is incapable of doing everything but 'the right thing'.

First we had the appalling treatment of the Gurkhas, then the Ministry of Defence trying to cut compensation and now this. Now is the opportunity for newspapers to show what 'the right thing' is and launch a campaign forcing Johnson to change his mind. This would make a much more worthwhile campaign that the Daily Mail's current absurd obsession with wheelie bins.

Cameron turns the airwaves blue

Potty-mouthed Tory toff Dave Cameron caused some mild controversy on Absolute Radio after using two swearwords that are now commonplace in most wokplaces, seminaries aside, and tame to what you'd hear in most schoolyards.

Its breakfast DJ, Christian O'Connell, was delighted with Dave's outburst and so must have been the station's management. It gave the station, once known as Virgin Radio, some much-needed publicity.

I used to listen to Virgin Radio occasionally (more of an Xfm man) but have still yet to sample Absolute - I'm not clear what it stands for and what its position is. Virgin Radio had a close association with live music and events and although Absolute claims to be the same I haven't yet seen this in practice.

But now I know that it's the home of sweary Tories I might give it a try as I'm all for liberating swearwords. Apparently Vince Cable has got language worse than a navvie and a foul-mouthed exchange would surely liven Question Time up.

The new ITV chief executive - Britain hasn't got enough talent?

After months of speculation about who is going for the ITV chief executive chalice, I mean job, a shortlist has emerged. And funnily enough some of the more ludicrous suggestions that were thrown into the mix, such as Shine's Elisabeth Murdoch, aren't on it.

Instead there is a retailer who is apparently a member of the Magic Circle (obvious potential hilarity for lazy journalists there should he get the job), Sky's former head Tony Ball, the internal candidate John Cresswell, the French head of Apple and the Belgian former chief executive of ProSiebenSat 1. Alas, the smooth Rupert Howell didn't make it beyond the group stages.

It's a surprising list - quite what the chief executive of HMV knows about telly is unclear and although he may have helped improve HMV's fortunes on the high street, the challenge for ITV is rather more complex. The fact that two foreign media experts are on the list suggests that ITV knows that it's medium- to long-term future now lies as part of a European media conglomerate and will be touted around the continent, which I find rather depressing.

That's why I hope that Tony Ball, an aggressive, competitive leader, gets the job. Be nice to have a Brit running the company even if it just shows that ITV's board thinks that there is a future for it as an independent British-owned broadcaster. 

Reasons to pray for swine flu

Good news for fans of swine flu. According to today's Times, if a pandemic forces the closure of schools the Government could invoke an emergency clause in the BBC's charter forcing it to 'broadcast or otherwise distribute any announcement or other programme'.

The report goes on to state that the schedules could be cleared in order to make way for educational programming. This, I thought, was one of the three key tenets of the Royal Charter anyway. Unfortunately it doesn't go on to say under what catastrophe we can expect the Corporation to deliver on its other two founding principles - 'to entertain' and 'to inform'. Nuclear armageddon perhaps?

Predictably the BBC is resistant to the move, claiming that it threatens its editorial independence so if the unlikely happens and swine flu results in widespread disruption to the education system don't expect the Corporation to comply with the request.

Well why would you want to disrupt editorial independence so ably displayed by fodder such as Young, Dumb and Living Off Mum, Eggheads and Cash in the Celebrity Attic in order to educate people?

Does the Daily Mirror really know what radical means?

The Daily Mirror is an appalling rag but today it has excelled itself with a total non-story.

Billed as an 'exclusive', the piece tries to whip up a storm about Tesco running ads on a niche website called The Master's Voice.

It describes the website as 'radical' and that commentators have described the ads as 'horrendously stupid'. So who is the master? Is he an fanatical Imam? Is this a website for radicalised Muslims looking to launch another domestic bombing campaign?

No. It's a rather dreary and innocuous website for supporters of hunting and the Tesco ads drive traffic to the equestrian range of Tesco.com, and not to stockplies of hydrogen peroxide and fertilizer. Other advertisers on the legitimate site include Thomas Pink and eBookers.

Pathetically, Tesco has withdrawn its ads from the site.

OK - so it's not as bad as the fake pictures of British soldiers 'torturing' Iraqis but it's hardly accurate journalism. It seems that the Daily Mirror doesn't know the meaning of the words 'freedom of speech', 'radical' and, I'd argue, 'story'.

Uri Geller cries all the way to the bank

A clip of creepy cutlery twister Uri Geller was on Sky News this morning. It was an excerpt from some more high quality entertainment we can look forward to on ITV1 on Sunday night - My Friend Michael Jackson: Uri's Story.

A blubbing Geller talks about how Jacko was his 'brother' and a 'true friend' and then shows them going shopping to meet that other oddball Mohammed Fayed.

All very moving stuff. Until you remember that it was Geller who introduced Jackson to Martin Bashir whose filmed encounter (also shown on ITV1) arguably led to his complete downfall. The two subsequently fell out and Geller appeared on telly denouncing Jackson's activities with small boys.

In short, other than appearing on rubbish TV shows in the early 80s and talking nonsense about crystals - which memorably failed to help his Exeter FC - Geller only has his acquaintance with another fruitcake to thank his career for. What a strange way to make a living.

Please don't watch it - it'll only encourage Geller as a professional Jackson mourner and mean ITV will make more of this rubbish.

How will history judge Love Thy Neighbour?

Vince Powell, the creator of 70s ITV sitcoms including Bless This House, died last week.

As I wasn't allowed to watch ITV as a child - it was considered 'rubbish' - I missed out on this and other Powell creations such as Mind your Language and Love Thy Neighbour (as well as other cultural gems including Tiswas and The Price is Right). But I've seen clips of them subsequently, usually in Channel 4 programmes about how awful 70s TV was before it came along.

And it's difficult not to agree - two feuding neighbours exchanging racist insults and a sit-com set in an evening class where assorted foreigners and racial stereotypes were trying to learn English.

Despite this looking appallingly crass now, the shows were extremely popular with Love Thy Neighbour drawing peak audiences of 17m chortling at a white man calling his new black neighbour 'Sambo' and 'Nignog'  and getting called 'Honky' and 'Snowflake' in return.

Hilarious stuff.  Powell later defended the shows saying that they reflected the attitude at the time, which I guess these ratings suggest that they did. So instead of sneering at this kind of fodder, perhaps we should be grateful that public attitudes and television have moved on and lay them to rest alongside Vince Powell.

Incidentally, I think that my parents were probably right.

Why Alan Sugar is clearly the right man to get us out of the recession

Alan Sugar surely can't believe his luck. He took his seat as Lord Sugar of E-m@ailer Plus yesterday and will soon be joining government as a business advisor.

Sugar's own business career has been, to say the least, patchy. He is a man who built his company up to a value of £1.2bn but then due to unreliable products and poor service sold it for a tenth of that value.

He was also a disastrous chairman of Tottenham Hotspur - an experience he himself described as a 'waste of my life'. He subsequently decided to speculate on the property market and has set up a company that sells ad space on screens near schools - all very ethical.

While no-one can doubt his work ethic, he has been accused of being sexist - certainly his attitude to Sex Discrimination Laws is rather old-fashioned. He said that in order to circumvent legislation prohibiting asking women whether they planned on gettng pregnant 'don't employ them.'He also famously said in 2005 that the iPod would be a flash in the pan product.

His behaviour on The Apprentice has been criticised by charity Kidscape for potentially encouraging bullying.

So all in all, he can be accused of having many of the qualities that have are revered in our own Dear Leader: disastrous with money, inept at management, a poor judge, sexist and a bully.

Except he looks a bit better on telly and the BBC is sympathetic toward him.

At least Parky knows he's a nobody

Last week the over-exposed shouty face of Channel 4 Davina McCall appeared as the guest on BBC One's Who Do You Think You Are? And never has a more apposite question been posed, although I'd have added the word ' Exactly' after 'Who'.

It transpired that like virtually everyone else who has appeared on the show, there was an element of tragedy and glamour and exoticism in her blood line and that McCall, a purveyor of the cheapest tat on TV, was related to some French policeman who was famous for something that I can't remember.

Ignorant Radio 1 lout Chris Moyles, who has somehow also escaped the axe despite being the wrong side of 30, famously made a poor taste joke about Who Do You Think You Are? along the lines of everyone seemed to have someone die at Auschwitz. While this isn't true, the show does seem to relish in finding tragedy in a celebrities family tree (not difficult) and then film them blubbing. Even Jeremy Paxman got all weepy for some reason or other.

Refreshing then that Sir Michael Parkinson has announced that he was due to go on the show but they had to cancel him as his family line was too boring. Refreshing but not entirely surprising.

So that's one piece of good news in the Autumn schedule - we won't have to hear Parky banging on about his days as a cub reporter at the Yorkshire Post, his wife Mary, cricket, Yorkshire and his encounters with Muhammed Ali. Or watch him crying over someone he never knew.

Tim Westwood once got shot but should now get fired

Is Tim Westwood a parody? I'm never sure who the joke is on, given how laughably appalling he is. Or I meant to take the 52-year-old Bishop's son seriously as a realistic voice of youth?

I try to avoid him at all costs but even I'm aware that his proudest achievment was when he once got shot in Kennington while driving his Range Rover. He was a mere 42 at the time. I also occasionally see his ridiculous 'Westwood' van drive up and down the Shepherd's Bush Road but he seems, so far at least, to have avoided attracting any more gunfire.

But given that the BBC is now widely accused of ageism having got rid of Moira Stuart, Anna Ford and replacing a 66-year-old judge of Strictly Come Dancing, who is presumably younger than most of the show's viewers, with someone called Alesha Dixon who is more than 30 years her junior.

There have also been wholesale changes at Radio1 with older DJs traded in for younger models while the Corporation reportedly disparagingly refers to senior presenters as 'silverbacks'. The BBC's obsession with youth at the expense of experience given our ageing population profile is wrong.

Unless that is it leads to Westwood getting fired from 1Xtra and Radio1 without a bullet wasted.

Good news for those who missed Robson Green's Extreme Fishing I and II

It's all too easy kicking someone when they are on their knees, but sometimes it's just irresistable. So apologies in advance to Five.

The low-budget terrestrial channel, which has seen its share of ad revenue fall off the cliff this year, has just announced its exciting new entertainment line-up (stop sniggering).

Headlining is the juicy offering Farmer Wants a Wife, starring Louise Redknapp. The six-part series follows farmers trying to find a suitor and, in the words of the press release, find out 'if love can blossom in the barnyards and pigsties of rural Britain.'

And if this wasn't sure enough to reverse its double-digit decline in ad revenue, the channel has also kindly commissioned a third series of Extreme Fishing with Robson Green, which will see the loveable/massively irritating Geordie on his most challenging fishing mission yet.

Richard Woolfe, Five's channel controller, describes the line-up as 'brilliant and gripping' with the promise that there's plenty more of the same to come. Streuth.

Given that Channel 4 is in advanced talks to protect its future, after publicly rebutting Five's advances, and with numerous other discussions between broadcasters going on to protect their futures, Five is looking like like the spare dick at an orgy.

Unless its owner RTL finds another company to merge with and fast, I wouldn't bet on Woolfe's promise actually coming true. And I'm afraid that you'd probably struggle to find anyone who would actually miss it.

Forget Elle, Marie Claire and Heat - this is the magazine relaunch of the year

Magazine relaunches normally pass me by unnoticed and they tend to generate more excitement among the people who work on them rather than the people who flick through them.

Plus, there probably isn't a magazine in the country that hasn't gone through its own necessary relaunch as publishers try and manage the migration of readers to the web by seeking to do the seemingly incompatible task of injecting some excitement into their dead tree products while trying to drive people to their associated websites.

And once they have been 'unveiled' to a normally barely interested readership, people soon forget that they were ever any different.

And yet, and yet.... the new issue of  IPC Media's Shooting Times arrived on my desk this morning and it looks awesome - great use of photography, particularly in the rabbiting feature, and some striking images and features. Although those of a sensitive disposition might find the mid-gralloched deer on page 6 a little too graphic.

Still, it's a great mag and all credit to IPC for showing such faith in its magazine brand.

BoJo's £250k 'chicken feed'

I happen to like Boris Johnson. I think he provides a bit of much-needed colour to the political scene, and he seems better at his job than that annoying nasal Red Ken but I don't live in London so what do I know.

But is he worth £250k for a weekly column in the Daily Telegraph? Yes - if they are stupid enough to pay it.

With typical Johnson disregard and seemingly oblivious to the prevailing mood of the nation, Johnson describes this as 'chicken feed'. Well it's not - even when compared to some of the eye-watering salaries available at ITV, Channel 4 and the BBC.

Finally some sense seems to be emerging - the BBC has suspended bonuses for its top execs (quite why they or anyone else on the public payroll needs bonuses I've never been sure) so DG Mark Thompson will only draw a basic of £647k. Similar moves have been made over at 'cash-strapped' Channel 4 - chief exec Andy Duncan has agreed to get out of bed for £600k a year - down nearly £300k on 2008. Which is nice of him.

But Johnson's burden on the taxpayer is just £140k for his salary as London mayor and I don't really care how much PLCs pay in salaries or columnists (and there are some shockingly bad ones on payrolls) as market forces will prevail.

So I suggest that given that the Daily Telegraph's parent company Telegraph Media Group has just posted a loss of £15.7m for 2008, Johnson enjoys the 'chicken feed' for as long as they are stupid enough to pay it. Soon, he may have to revert to newt feed rations.

Hardeep Singh Kohli - he really is a One

Unfortunately we'll probably never know what comedian Hardeep Singh Kohli did to warrant his suspension from BBC1's The One Show although the fact that he has taken six months away to 'reflect on his behaviour' begs so many questions.

Suffice to say that it involved a female researcher and him 'overstepping the mark.' While his suspension is not as draconian as the treatment that Carol Thatcher was given by the show's producers after using some inapproriate words in private, at least Kohli will be off-air for a period.

Which is surely good news for BBC West Midlands' local radio presenter Les Ross who conducted this excrutiating interview with Kohli earlier this year. It's genius.

Gandhi, Simon, Jay, Neil, Will. And Carli

I think it was Mahatma Gandhi who once said: 'There are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is much less competition.'

Gandhi was wrong - the split is between those whose childhood was like the Inbetweeners and those whose was like Skins. As a state school boy from just outside London mine was, unfortunately, more like the former.

Forget 'targeted' programming (see Danny Dyer debate previously), I haven't met anyone who does not like the Inbetweeners.

What makes this all the more notable is that it hasn't been extensively advertised, rather it has attracted viewers through word of mouth - I first heard about it from a middle-aged media man with the surname Grimmer.

It's brilliant Channel 4 comedy and accurately represents school years although recent events in Mansfield might mean that the next series will be even better.

Without wishing to sound like a seditious middle-temple lawyer posing as a half-naked fakir, have a top weekend.