We're all pleased about the Gurkhas but steady on Dave Cameron

Victory! There's something particularly sweet when the House of Commons defies the will of the Government (probably because it's such a rare occurrence) and genuinely Does The Right Thing, so the vote on the Gurkhas yesterday was electric.

I realise that I've been a little unfair - unlikely bedfellows the Daily Telegraph and the Mirror both campaigned for fair treatment for former soldiers, a subject that also united MPs from all political persuasions who understand the simple principle that if you are good enough to die for this country then you are good enough to live here.

Dave Cameron however seems to have got a bit carried away with it all judging by this clip from Sky News's website when he appears to make a lunge at national treasure Joanna Lumley. While not quite tongue against teeth, it's embarrassing enough.

I didn't think I needed Virgin1 to tell me whether Jim Davidson is an a***hole. Until now

The most pointless programme commission of the year so far comes from Virgin1 (who else). Called So You Think I'm an A***hole, the one-off show sees Jim Davidson getting hectored for his largely unpleasant views.

All well and good you might think given that he has said and done some pretty offensive stuff over the years - his support for the Forces notwithstanding (although whether they wanted or not is moot) - so I thought it was a no-brainer and I'd support the motion.

But then I saw who was going to be doing the hectoring - Richard Blackwood, Brian Downing and Judy Finnegan. A bigger bunch of a***holes you'd surely struggle to assemble, and that's now enough to cause me to waver.

Media companies - absolve yourself of all guilt. It's the Right Thing To Do.

Each and every total ***-up, blunder and embarrassing farce is now deemed instantly erasable from the annals of history by uttering a few short words (and no they are not 'I'm sorry'), which could prove useful for beleaguered media companies.

And what are these magical redeeming words? 'It was the right thing to do.' We've heard it applied by our Supreme Leader to everything from the invasion of Iraq, the taxpayer bail out of the banks, the U-turn on MP's expenses - in fact, pretty much everything that has been an unmitigated (and expensive) disaster.

Politicians usually learn some of the tricks of their trade from the media but in these 'unprecedented times' (another euphemism if I ever I heard one), the opposite could be applied.

Purchase of Friends Reunited? Right thing to do. Millions wasted on aborted 4Radio? Right thing to do? Publish lies in your papers about the McCann family? Right thing to do. There you go - all sins neatly absolved; it's easy really, even in this secular age.

These are just some examples of corporate media messes that can be cleared up and forgotten about using the RTTD formula. Any other examples gratefully received.

Thinkbox finally practices what it preaches

When Channel 4, Five and ITV cut back their marketing spend it seemed more than a little bit hypocritical that at the same time they were pressing their advertiser clients to increase their own.

Understandably these organisations are facing tough economic pressures but surely, even if it's just for a face-saving reasons, they are the companies that should at least be holding their marketing nerve and maintaining or increasing spend rather than following the panicking crowd.

Trade bodies soak up a lot of distress or spare ad space or airtime - lust listen to how many RadioCentre ads are on air with annoying frequency at the moment or look at the NMA ads in the papers - but television, sadly, has not been able to do so. One of the reasons for this is that TV has to sell its airtime rather than give it away.

Good to see then that in a sign of collective nerve, Thinkbox is running its first TV campaign demonstrating its own confidence in its medium. Given that Thinkbox is (not yet) a consumer brand, I look forward to seeing awareness levels demonstrably rise in the post-campaign analysis as well as confidence return among advertisers on the power of TV advertising.

Bafta got it about right although Dot deserved one for on-screen smoking

Apparently the unreleased energy contained in the average dustbin each year could provide enough power for 5000 hours of TV viewing (and probably supply enough content for the schedulers at BBC3 in perpetuity).

The principle of 'more is less' means that there is now a lot of rubbish on the telly - the lamentable remake of Reggie Perrin is just one example - but there is also quite a lot to celebrate and I think that the Bafta awards show the diversity of quality UK television. What is even more gratifying is that so much of it came from the commercial broadcasters.

From Harry Hill's TV Burp to Life in Cold Blood and ITV's News at Ten, the awards show that TV can entertain, educate and inform when it is at it's very best. It's just a shame that on-screen smoking is deemed as beyone the pale.

Join Joanna Lumley and demand justice for the Gurkhas

To avoid accusations of predictability, I'm not going to rant about the search for someone to play Jade Goody in a stage show - it's beyond parody anyway - or that Father Ted's Mrs Doyle has had a shave after finding success on Britain's Got Talent.

I make no apology however for having another go at the Home Office. Why the hell, after months of deliberation, has this department betrayed retired Gurkhas by not allowing them residency? The Home Office has proved itself singularly ineffective in policing the borders or in evicting illegals or undesirables, but now refuses to allow brave men who have fought for us to stay.

It's appalling that more people - and more media outlets - haven't joined national treasure Joanna Lumley in demanding fair treatment for them. The only way I can see them getting justice any time soon is June next year when we can finally decide whether or not we want to keep this administration.

Sink some Bombardier for St George. And to defy Brown

Happy St George's Day.

According to today's Daily Telegraph, Brown's Scottish Raj is spending just £116 to mark St George's Day. They are buying a flag. This contrasts with the £600,000 they spent to mark the day of their own patron saint.

While not surprised with the Government's lacklustre response, I am continually disappointed that more brands haven't embraced St George's Day other than Latymers, our grim 70s local in Hammersmith, and Dr John Sentamu.

I'm so depressed by this that I can't think of anything else to write. Goodbye.

I couldn't care less if the Hairy Cornflake wins Britain's Got Talent

Some readers thought that my last couple of blog posts were trite. But I'm afraid that they are completely wrong.

What I was attempting to demonstrate is that the selective use of popular keywords, rather than the value of the content itself, by media outlets is now driving the news agenda as newspapers attempt to get the most hits. And I think that for anyone who actually cares about serious journalism that this is a very bad thing.

I don't care who Susan Boyle is and I don't care about Obama's dog. And to be honest I don't care if Dave Lee Travis wins Britain's Got Talent. But unfortunately we're all going to be forced to read these sort of non-stories over the summer as they are guaranteed to produce hits to websites.

And if you are remotely interested, by using words that are in the zeitgeist I did manage to get more hits than usual. That said, the magic number ten still proved depressingly elusive so what do I know?

EXCLUSIVE - President Obama to call puppy Jade Goody. Or Susan Boyle. On YouTube

Given that the popularity of this blog has now slumped to a level matched only by that of Jacqui Smith (and I know that neither Tony nor Oli are on holiday), I've decided to abandon my Damian McBride strategy and try a different tack to see if I can beat the number of readers that Janet Belmont's Blogs get on the Brand Republic community.

Given that every newspaper has moved its agenda on to writing with glee about the ugly Scottish religious woman from Britain's Got Talent and how her performance on the show has had 20m hits on YouTube (with the host of the Today programme apparently 'moved to tears' so God knows what she was like when she heard about Jade), this is clearly the route I need to go down.

By adopting principles, familiar to marketers, from search engine optimisation and using popular keywords I'm optimistic that this blog may edge into double figures. Until then any planned leave is banned.

Ken Barlow - the sex-God anti-Christ

Inappropriate. That's the view of some Coronation Street viewers after Ken Barlow, played by the famously - and legally-confirmed - interesting actor Bill Roache, made some comments casting doubt on the existence of Christ in Coronation Street on Good Friday.

Some have even gone as far to say that Barlow's decision to educate his grandson on the principles of humanism is offensive, while ITV has defended the storyline saying that the soap 'represents views from all sides of the religious spectrum'. I don't have particularly strong views either way - aside from the obvious point that if you swap Christ for Allah then a very different episode might have emerged. But what is more interesting is what on earth has happened to Ken Barlow?

I don't watch Coronation Street but apparently he's having it off with Stephanie Beecham (whose appearance on the programme shows how far her career has fallen since the Colbys). Is this realistic? I have seen pictures of him with his sensible jumpers and Cornish Pasty shoes, so I suggest not. And now it sounds like he's setting up some sort of humanist madrassah in Weatherfield.

As well as inappropriate, I'd add the word 'unlikely'. So now thats 'juvenile' and 'inappropriate' covered from my version of Gordon Brown's Moral Compass. That leaves 'brilliant' and 'funny' to go - any ideas of TV shows where I can find either of these qualities?

Red Dwarf's ratings success indicates worrying arrested development

The dial on my Brownite Media Moral Compass has swung to juvenile. In the same week that the co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons, Dave Arneson, passed away, the TV show that defined this same generation, Red Dwarf, made a triumphant return to UK screens with a reunion special on Dave on Good Friday.

Both the game and the TV show were at the apex of their popularity in the late 80s, a time when I was still at school. I was a fan of neither. If you drew a ven diagramme, fans of both would be crammed in the same sweaty section role playing themselves stupid before rushing home with their briefcases to find out what Rimmer had been up to and then talking about it at great length the next day.

Given, I expect, that even the most die-hard role players eventually grow out of it, I was amazed to see that more than 2.6m people watched the Red Dwarf special last Friday, making the show the biggest non-terrestrial original commission of all time and proving that those teenagers who were into it first time round have presumably been in some form of arrested development all these years.

At a time when brands are increasingly looking backwards and introducing old products - Arctic Roll and Mellow Birds for example - I hope that commissioning editors will draw the line at certain formats. I don't mind seeing Alan Whicker and even Minder back on our screens (I'd even pay good money to see Pie in the Sky resurrected), but please don't bring back niche shows such as The Crystal Maze or, God forbid, The Adventure Game.

Thanks for teaching me how to blog, Damian McBride

As the proud custodian of the least popular blog on this site, and possibly on the whole Brand Republic community (hello loyal readers Oli and Tony by the way), the evidence suggests that any thoughts that I had that I am delivering anything of value to a wider audience are probably deluded.

To be truthful until now I never read blogs either (sorry Dave Trott, Rory et al) consisting, as they usually but not always do, of an ill-thought out stream of consciousness from someone with a half-baked opinion on something about which he knows very little - not much different from getting stuck with the pub bore after he's read the Daily Mail.

But this weekend that all changed. Given the smears emanating from Number 10, I found myself skipping between the self-righteous blog of Guido Fawkes, who is taking credit for claiming Damian McBride's scalp, to the mealy-mouthed LabourList of Derek Draper, who peculiarly blamed everyone else but himself for the appalling campaign.

It was heady stuff, topped only by Kevin Maguire's despicable blog in the Daily Mirror where he attempted to justify the disgusting slurs but was roundly ripped apart by its readers.

Anyway, the point is I'm going to try and liven this blog up to attract more hits by striving - as Derek Draper described McBride's contributions to the planned Red Rag blog - to be 'brilliant', 'funny', 'juvenile' and 'inappropriate' at the same time. I'll try and make them vaguely media-related. I just hope that it doesn't alienate Oli and Tony.

Is Absolute Radio better than Adam & Joe? It's time for DJ Wars

I've been quite critical about Absolute Radio in the past  as I don't like the name and I can't stand those ads - the last I thought I'd see of Doug was him lying in a pool of blood in Bruges - and Christian O'Connell is in danger of veering into the annoying ‘wacky' side of funny.

So when I saw its debut Rajars with audiences falling off a cliff I thought I had been vindicated, again.

But perhaps I was too hasty. Absolute Radio is up for seven gongs at the Sony Awards (radio's annual awards festival), which is more than any other commercial radio station.

Although awards schemes are not without their critics, quite rightly, as they are usually self-selecting and therefore rarely reward best in class to those who deserve it, real credit is due to Absolute Radio as the Sonys at least have credibility.

Even more impressive is that it has three DJs shortlisted in the entertainment category out of a total of five so the odds look good.....except they are up against Adam & Joe from BBC 6 Music, a small piece of the BBC's output that is worth a slither of the licence fee.

If Absolute Radio do manage to beat Adam & Joe, doyennes of the media industry's chattering classes, then I'm going to tune back in.

Clare Balding's equine foot in mouth disease

Unlike me, Clare Balding presumably didn't win her office sweepstake or put any money on Grand National winner Mon Mome judging by her spectacularly inappropriate comments to the horse's jockey Liam Treadwell.

‘You can afford to get your teeth done now,' was hardly the most gracious thing to say to the man who should have been congratulated for making me just that tiny bit richer. Also, on the looks front Balding could also be described as ‘found wanting'.

Nonetheless, in a weekend that saw my viewing torn several ways given CountryFile's welcome move to a slot apposite the excellent Austin Healey's Big Tackle (for more on this show watch an exclusive interview with Healey on marketingmagazine.co.uk later this week), as well as Lewis and Piers Morgan interviewing Richard Madeley, it was a blip on an otherwise good weekend of telly.

Incidentally as well as picking the winner, I also picked up second place. So well done me.

From Barcelona to Battersea - a depressing journey for the poster boys

Somewhere in a south London park at this very moment something rather depressing is happening. And I'm not talking about the knife crime, robberies and peculiar men hiding in bushes.

The outdoor industry has assembled in a hot tent to share knowledge, learn about developments, meet their counterparts and talk to themselves about audience measurement over a cup of tea and a sticky bun

Unfortunately I couldn't make the event but what struck me is how far the outdoor industry has gone, in the wrong direction, since the last conference in 2004. The past is indeed a foreign country - this particularly lavish conference was in Barcelona, took place over three days with massive dinners and drinks every evening and lunch.

But not now - instead a few of the diminishing number of characters left in outdoor are huddled together trying to convince themselves (and, if they are lucky, a smattering of advertisers) that the sky isn't falling in.

We'll have a full analysis of the event in next week's issue - I doubt it will make particularly cheery reading for those involved. And if the conference does downscale any further, can anyone else think of an even lower-rent place to hold it?