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'Big Brother' winner Pete is getting a £1m book deal. Good for him, but what a waste of space the publishing industry must be.
Pete has been described by people who’ve met him as really quite normal and dull if it weren't for the fact that because of Tourette's syndrome he says "wankers" every five minutes... which is funny to watch because somehow the word wankers makes us all laugh. Well it makes me laugh, but then I'm pretty easily amused.

Even in big type, I'm not sure how funny the word "wankers" would be in a book or if it's quite so funny if it’s not on TV, which brings us to the problem of who and why?

We know the when. The when is before Christmas and, according to the blurb, the book will tell the story of what it's like to live with Tourette's syndrome. My guess, not too hot, but at least you're always quite amusing... and I imagine less so when the vicar asks if anyone knows of any reason... wankers.

Pete, 24, who won £100,000 on 'Big Brother' has said: "It's amazing to be working on my life story."

I guess so. Carole Tonkinson, spokeswoman for publishers HarperCollins, said not only was it all hugely exciting, but that Pete had inspired us all. Well, I guess you've got to sell books somehow.

The book will include details of his "romance" with fellow contestant Nikki Grahame... they had better hope their publicists can keep them together until then. If they can, then expect a chapter entitled "How I accepted Nikki's escort shame". Or if they can't, "How I could not cope with Nikki's escort shame”.

In an ideal publishing world, all chapters will be interchangeable.

It won’t be the first ‘Big Brother’ book, that honour goes to Sada. Remember her? She was the yoga chick and the first person ever to be evicted from the 'Big Brother' house back in the heady days of summer 2000.

She wrote something called 'The Babes Bible' before chucking it all in and heading for India to train to be a yoga instructor. According to one review on Amazon it is "A perfect gift for a single woman" although the reviews all sound like they were written by the author.

But the real success goes to kebab muncher Jade Goody, who has inexplicably made a packet out of just about everything despite being a wee bit educationally challenged. She has had her book out 'Jade: My Autobiography', in which she munches kebabs, goes on TV and inexplicably makes piles of cash and gets an Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank of number 283.
Published Aug 31 2006, 04:37 PM by Gordon Macmillan

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Gordon's Republic

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Gordon Macmillan

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