Wankers

'Big Brother' winner Pete is getting a £1m book deal. Good for him, but what a waste of space the publishing industry must be.
Pete has been described by people who’ve met him as really quite normal and dull if it weren't for the fact that because of Tourette's syndrome he says "wankers" every five minutes... which is funny to watch because somehow the word wankers makes us all laugh. Well it makes me laugh, but then I'm pretty easily amused.

Even in big type, I'm not sure how funny the word "wankers" would be in a book or if it's quite so funny if it’s not on TV, which brings us to the problem of who and why?

We know the when. The when is before Christmas and, according to the blurb, the book will tell the story of what it's like to live with Tourette's syndrome. My guess, not too hot, but at least you're always quite amusing... and I imagine less so when the vicar asks if anyone knows of any reason... wankers.

Pete, 24, who won £100,000 on 'Big Brother' has said: "It's amazing to be working on my life story."

I guess so. Carole Tonkinson, spokeswoman for publishers HarperCollins, said not only was it all hugely exciting, but that Pete had inspired us all. Well, I guess you've got to sell books somehow.

The book will include details of his "romance" with fellow contestant Nikki Grahame... they had better hope their publicists can keep them together until then. If they can, then expect a chapter entitled "How I accepted Nikki's escort shame". Or if they can't, "How I could not cope with Nikki's escort shame”.

In an ideal publishing world, all chapters will be interchangeable.

It won’t be the first ‘Big Brother’ book, that honour goes to Sada. Remember her? She was the yoga chick and the first person ever to be evicted from the 'Big Brother' house back in the heady days of summer 2000.

She wrote something called 'The Babes Bible' before chucking it all in and heading for India to train to be a yoga instructor. According to one review on Amazon it is "A perfect gift for a single woman" although the reviews all sound like they were written by the author.

But the real success goes to kebab muncher Jade Goody, who has inexplicably made a packet out of just about everything despite being a wee bit educationally challenged. She has had her book out 'Jade: My Autobiography', in which she munches kebabs, goes on TV and inexplicably makes piles of cash and gets an Amazon.co.uk Sales Rank of number 283.

Asda result

Something of a coup for the Asda marketing team. The ITV news last night ran an item on its new ad campaign starring Coleen McLoughlin.
There's been a lot of interest surrounding her and Asda signing her, but it’s still something of a coup to get that kind of free TV airtime.

Asda, of course, initially signed Coleen and her footballing half, Wayne Rooney, but then dropped him after his dismal World Cup.

Asda has had its fair share of trouble with celebrity spokespeople. Signing Sharon Osborne was a misfire and the injured Michael Owen was another. His short stint felt tacked on and another fine example of brands jumping on the celebrity band wagon without really knowing why they are there.

With Coleen, however, I'm happy to report that the spot for George's latest Must Have range works really rather well. It's simple and follows the style in some ways of the back to school ads that are running at the moment with the kids singing acapella style on the school bus.

This time, it’s kids singing Roy Orbison classic 'Pretty Woman' and aping the movie where Julia Roberts takes that walk down the street.

With campy fashionistas watching her pass from the windows of their boutiques, Coleen passes by in her get up -- tops and jeans and knock-down prices.

She doesn’t speak, but then she doesn't need to. It's simple and nicely executed by Publicis with media through Carat.

There is a small niggling doubt about it all, what with WAG Coleen being so closely associated with designer labels. Of course, she has now come out and said that she also shops on the high street, which most women will probably buy into because she probably does, what with Top Shop, H&M and Primark offering so much.

Airfixed

I was truly quite saddened to hear about the demise of poor old Airfix. The model plane and toy soldier maker has gone into administration and I'm quite sure that a piece of my childhood has gone with it.
Hawker Hurricanes, Lancaster Bombers and my personal favourite the Desert Supermarine Spitfire. They hung from the ceiling and provided night time cover, but no more.

There were lots of battleships and submarines as well. My experience was that these did not survive the bath.

Boxes upon boxes of plastic soldiers as well, of course, both the tiny little small ones and the larger ones, which were essential for recreating many WWII skirmishes. You never quite seemed to have enough. Maybe another box? My mother has several thousand of these stashed in boxes in her loft. I'm sure they will come in handy one day.

Video games hit Airfix hard and sales have declined dramatically over the years.

There was also talk that the models got easier and were required less skill and time to make, which possibly means there was not glue everywhere and a pilot that you forgot to stick in the cockpit and then couldn't as it was pretty much impossible to pull the thing apart again without ruining the whole project.

There was an effort a few years ago to introduce more futuristic toys called Robogear in an effort to compete with Power Rangers and Pokemon, but it never really took off.

For me it all sums up images of long summers, sticky glue fingers and khaki paint all over the shop. Maybe someone will yet save the brand and the company. Fingers crossed.

Dog's Dinner

London Lite hit the streets yesterday and underwhelmed to the point of stupefaction.One of my biggest problems with the Evening Standard is that it suffers from thinking it's a national newspaper and not a paper for London, which Londoners actually want.

London Lite suffers from the same problem, with a Standard-like splash about mobile phones on planes. It's a very average story (errr it made page 21 of The Sun this morning, Page 13 of The Guardian), but if you picked up the paper yesterday it could have come from anywhere. London, Dublin or Manchester. It doesn't jump out and say London. Even in August there must be something happening.

It's a poor front page that not only has a poor splash, but the furniture around it is all a bit of a mess. It doesn't shout new, hip and London. It hardly shouts at all.

None of it looks very new. It all looks a little tired and borrowed. Actually, what it is, is that it looks pretty much like Standard Lite and, while I know, it was rushed it's a pretty disappointing debut.

Inside it feels like the Standard and there's even a crafty nod to Richard Desmond with its London Eye gossip pages.

Desmond was going to call his much-talked-of paper from a couple years ago London-i.

Not only is London Lite short on ideas, but the pages all look familiar from elsewhere. The London Eye looks like the Londoner's Diary in the Standard with a bit of the tedious Friday Standard magazine thrown in.

I know that it can't help looking like this in a news-light month like August, but this effort will not only leave readers underwhelmed, it’s going to leave them a little confused. It's like they previously picked up the Standard Lite and now have something that looks like the Standard Lite, but is purple.

Is there any way you can change the colour? Oh well not to worry. I'm sure someone liked it.

On the plus side it is free as various people have said, but simply because it's free is that an excuse to offer yet another version of the Daily Mail lite several times diluted (Daily Mail to Evening Standard, to Standard Lite and to London Lite).

Overall, I think it will disappoint its core female audience of busy young London women and, worse, I think it is also a bit of a male turn-off. I know ad revenue is important, but with no sport on the back page blokes are going to be picking it up flicking to the back and quickly binning the thing.

Having seen Associated Newspapers misfire and trip out of the starting gate, the way is open for News International's thelondonpaper to show that it can produce a product that grabs people's attention, that makes them sit up, rather than leave the paper on the Tube or the bus exactly where they found it.

Anderton TV

Please someone give Sophie Anderton her own TV show. She could crash cars every week.With ‘Big Brother’ gone what else is there to do (OK, there are other things), but turn to 'Love Island' and the best thing on it has been Sophie Anderton.

While it hasn't been as big as ITV had hoped, it did in the end do the business. At first bringing back most of last year's contestants seemed like a bankrupt idea, it did actually work and has probably secured another year for 'Love Island' (unless ITV happens to win 'Big Brother' then maybe not).

The only down side was that, while Calum Best came back this year and won alongside Bianca Gascoigne, Sophie Anderton was kicked off the island before the end.

There could have been fireworks. If not fireworks then lots and lots of tears. Clearly she is not all there, but doesn't mind telling the world what she thinks.

And some of it weirdly makes sense. For instance, she told Kelle Bryan and Kate Lawler that she hates footballers' wives. She chose a good pair to unload on.

"I can't bear them. They all suck... apart from Victoria. They don't work for a living and spend absolute fortunes. Coleen McLoughlin's a sweetheart but I just think she needs to keep her mouth shut."

I didn’t even realise Coleen spoke, I thought she just shopped. Kate Lawler didn't say a word, which was a shame as she used to be Real Madrid's Jonathan Woodgate’s girlfriend.

And Kelle of course is best mates with Louise… who is married to former Liverpool and Spurs star Jamie Redknapp.

Sophie also kissed on camera. Sadly, she kissed ex-boyfriend Chris Brosnan, who after she had gone wasted no time laying into the loopy one.

"Sophie's not a supermodel. That's someone like Kate Moss, who is internationally worldwide. Sophie's got a name in England outside of that it's like Soph who?"

ITV could change all of that. If Channel 4 gave airhead Chantelle her own show, the least ITV could do is give Sophie Anderton some more airtime. She has the potential to be Britain's answer to Paris Hilton, in a Sophie-goes-to-work type set-up. Yes, she moans, bitches, rants, raves and cries at every opportunity, but it’s actually better than just about everyone else in the land of reality TV.

As for the winners, not a particularly attractive pair. Serial shagger Calum Best and Bianca Gascoigne whose claim to fame is that she is the step-daughter of Paul Gascoigne who she slagged off to camera. Okay, I know he was abusive, but she is using his name.

Next up 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here’, which will apparently feature non-celebs as well. Hang on a second ITV, that sounds kind of familiar.

Galloway Beirut

Milk-licking MP George Galloway is going to Beirut for TalkSport, sadly he isn't staying, but you have to feel for the people of Beirut. They've suffered enough.
The loudmouth 'Celebrity Big Brother MP will be making "history this weekend as he holds what is believed to be the first ever radio phone-in live from a war zone".

Errr, well last I heard there was no fighting in Beirut, so really live from somewhere where there was recently some bombing, but that really doesn't sound as catchy nor suit the razzamatazz of the Galloway bandwagon.

The anti-war, friend of many an Arab dictator, who famously said to Saddam Hussein during the first Gulf War: "Sir: I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability" and added "hatta al-nasr, hatta al-nasr, hatta al-Quds", which is Arabic for "until victory, until victory, until Jerusalem".

The station is calling him "the most controversial exponent of Middle East politics". Recently there was also talk that he was trying to persuade some sheik to buy the Daily Express so he could expound to us daily.

What that boils down to, of course, is Galloway, who is famously anti-Israeli, saying that "in most people's eyes Israel is a terrorist state" while referring to terror group Hizbollah as a Lebanese national resistance.

He's just the kind of man I would send, one more foghorn in a region where there are already too many foghorns blaring indiscriminately.

I'm going to say it, why oh why do TalkSport employ him? Who wants to hear him lecture listeners with his warped view of the world.

Be sure to tune your dials elsewhere on Saturday and Sunday night.

Secret cappuccino

Starbucks has a secret cappuccino and apparently it’s not the only one.
This is what it is. There is at Starbucks a cappuccino that is not on the menu, but which you can buy all the same.

It's cheaper and apparently tastes better, but it is hidden. If you ask for it, staff will serve it.

According to a report on the BBC, while that sounds strange it is the way that many companies do business.

Apparently Starbucks claims it does not have room on the menu board for this cheaper drink. Frankly that sounds like froth.

It's called the "short cappuccino" and I imagine that soon it might be selling a few more.

Coffee Republic has a similar drink.

The reason for it the BBC says is simple. Starbucks like everyone else would love to rip you off 24/7, but knows it can't.

So instead it has this formula of different prices for different types of customer. The low "hidden" prices are for those regular customers who would otherwise shop somewhere else.

Britney reject

Apparently, this picture of Britney Spears is rather too stimulating for the Japanese market and has been rejected by Tokyo's subway system.
The pic from the cover of Harper's Bazaar magazine's Japanese edition had already run in the US, but the Japanese version will hide everything below Britney's elbow.

 Not sure what they were worried about maybe it was people jumping on the tracks to get closer, which would be difficult considering how fake the whole thing is. Like Victoria Beckham's backside.

Looking at the picture (slightly odd with the raven coloured hair) subway officials in Tokyo should have remembered that the pic is so heavily air brushed that it bears little resembalance to the reality of trailer park Britney who is expecting her second child.

"We apologise for hiding part of a beautiful image of a mother-to-be," said the subway guys.

RIP Joe Rosenthal

I missed this having been away, but Joe Rosenthal, the photographer who took the iconic photo of US Marines raising the American flag over Iwo Jima during a bloody battle with the Japanese, died at the age of 94.
It's one of the most famous news photos ever taken. Three of the men featured later died in action and another had a tragic life (Ira Hayes) who Johnny Cash penned a song about. 
There has been talk over the years that the photo was staged, but there is no evidence for this. The Marines in the photo were replacing a smaller flag that had been planted earlier.

The photo is also the basis for a memorial to US Marines, across the river from Washington.

Top slot

More odd medialand appointments with IPC's Tim Brooks named as managing director of The Guardian.
Brooks is managing director of the men's unit at IPC Ignite!. It had been thought that after Carolyn McCall was promoted to chief executive of the Guardian Media Group, her job would go to commercial director Stuart Taylor.

But no, in comes Brooks with his wealth of magazine experience, but no experience of newspapers.

Not unlike Brooks's former IPC boss Sly Bailey, who left the chief executive job at the magazine publisher, to take the top job at Trinity Mirror.

Or more recently Stevie Spring, who made the leap from outdoor firm Clear Channel to magazine publisher Future.

My guess is that Stuart Taylor probably won't be long for the world of Guardian Newspapers, having seemingly lost out to an outsider.

It makes something of a break for The Guardian, which has promoted internally candidates over the years, including McCall, who joined the newspaper group 20 years ago as a planner before rising through the ranks.

No more it seems. The Guardian has cast around outside its ranks and hired no doubt the best man for the job.

Brooks has spent his last six years at IPC and before that he had nine years at Emap, but is maybe best known in the media industry for founding Media Week, which is now owned by Haymaket.

The good news is he might have written the odd newspaper story along the way.

Time on Wade?

There has been talk all year of Rebekah Wade's falling star. This latest embarrassment is not likely to help.

Who was to know? It looked so good on paper. A royal scoop no less, with pictures of partying Prince Harry groping a former blonde girlfriend, Natalie Pinkham, in a night club.

Although within hours it emerged that the pictures were three years old. Ouch.

The Sun has had to apologise to Princes Harry and his brother William, also shown in the pictures, which belonged to Pinkham who also complained and wants an apology.

Clearly there is going to be a question of how the paper got hold of the shots in the first place and how its scoop of five pictures across three pages was so wrong.

Pinkham apparently first claimed the pictures were stolen, but later withdrew this allegation. It's certainly more notoriety for her. Apparently, she wants to be a TV presenter and has dated rugby players. Shocker.

The salacious pictures were accompanied by headlines of equal measure: "The Booze Brothers" with a caption reading "Harry as Dirty Harry, the Paw Prince and Squeezer Geezer".

The paper even got the place wrong, not only were the pictures not taken this summer, they were also not taken at the trendy London nightspot Boujis where the princes often fall out of.

Worse still, the paper had to push it and bragged that Harry would be left "with a little explaining to do" to his girlfriend Chelsy Davy.

Now the only one with a bit of explaining to do is Wade who will have to tell boss Rupert Murdoch what happened.

Could this be it? If it then step forward News of the World editor Andy Coulson, who is tipped by many to be the next editor of the paper. Unless, that is, his copybook has been blotted by the arrest of his own royal editor for alleged phone-tapping activities.

The only upside for Wade is that Clarence House has no plans to take any further action and will not be going to the Press Complaints Commission.

The Big One

'Fast Food Nation', I'm almost too squeamish to watch this one and I haven't eaten meat since 1989.

'Slacker' and 'Before Sunrise' director Richard Linklater's movie version of 'Fast Food Nation' is looking very good. It's from a script by Linklater and Eric Schlosser, who wrote the original book.

The burger company in the movie is called The Big One, but everyone knows who they are talking about.

First casualty

Pretty disturbing. A TV news director masquerading as a relief worker.
A Hezbollah supporter, known as green helmet as he wears one, is shown masquerading as a relief worker, which is bad enough, but he turns out to be a TV director for the terrorbags propaganda channel. It's the second time he's been caught doing this.

A dead Lebanese child is carted in and out of the ambulance to ensure that the camera crew can get a better shot.



You can just imagine what would have happened if this had been a British or Israeli news crew -- there would have been international outcry, but this story has had little coverage over here.

The man pictured is apparently someone who has appeared in numerous TV reports and newspaper photographs as a rescue worker, but clearly his real work is stage managing propaganda.

There's a lot of it around, yesterday a Fox News commentator, a priest no less, was exposed using underhanded methods to get access to some of the senior figures at the Mosque in Walthamstow, which was home to some of the 24 terrorists who planned to blow up numerous planes last week leaving Heathrow for the US.

According to Reuters, the Fox News man is said to have initially told the Mosque officials he was representing the Vatican. Nice work. When in doubt claim you are working for God.

Mohammed Shoyaib, imam of the Masjid-e-Umer mosque in Walthamstow said that Father Jonathan Morris, a Fox News religion reporter, introduced himself as a Rome-based priest working for peace in the world.

I knew deep down that Rupert Murdoch had the world's best interest at heart, but world peace? Way to go.

Apparently only later did Father Morris say he was from “a sister network of Sky News”. A sister network? Oh, you mean Fox, home of many Republican rent a rants.

It's a Hummer

Tough sell. GM is launching an ad campaign this week to convince people that its Hummers are friends of the environment.
Personally, I don't have any axe to grind against the GM. I think Humvee's are very cool and besides you can use them to invade whole countries with. If not entirely successfully.

While the Marines are pretty happy with theirs, GM is getting worried about the negative image that its civilian models Hummers are picking up.

As a result, they have hired Belgian comedian Chris Van Den Durpel to play a magician in some new ads for the latest Hummer model, the H3.

I know, who would have thought they have comedians in Belgium? This nugget of information has increased my knowledge about the place immensely. I now know that not only do they sell beer, chocolate, have lots of useless EU institutions, that Marvin Gaye wrote ‘Sexual Healing’ there, but they have comedians as well.

The TV, print and online campaign sets out to reveal "surprising truths" about the vehicle's size, fuel efficiency and manoeuvrability, according to the WSJ.com.

The H3, unlike its bigger counterparts, which are best known for being driven by celebrities and football players still it has a way to go. The H3 only gets 20 miles to the gallon on a motorway, which considering the US gallon is smaller than the UK one makes it pretty fuel efficient.

It's cheaper as well, instead of the $53,000 it's $30,000.

The ads, with the tagline "It's not magic. It's the midsize H3", show the H3 driving by gas stations, just to prove that they don't need to stop every time they see one.