Have you ever given much thought to Ronald McDonald's sex life? No me neither, but someone has.In his new novel 'jpod' (a sort of follow-up to Microserfs) Douglas Coupland devotes much time to Ronald's sex life. It must be something to do with living in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. Really, Doug you have too much time on your hands... which you have put to great use. Who knew there would be so many laughs to be had discussing the sex life of an asexual fast-food mascot clown. The jPod, in case you were wondering, has nothing to do with Apple and is the name for a set of cubicles (or pod) in a games company where everyone is placed by HR simply because their surname begins with the letter J. Sort of random in an orderly HR kind of way. And, of course, one thing the jPodders hate more than anything else is McDonald's, or at least that horribly processed smell of fast food that is referred to as the taint. When one character (evil Mark) brings the taint into the office, Ronald's sex life comes under the microscope. "Maybe McDonald's food is the way it is because Ronald is lonely." "Lonely? He's asexual." "That doesn't mean he's not lonely. Maybe he needs a cat." "I bet he's into water sports." "No, that'd mess up his make-up." "I think he's probably bi-curious." And then... "I wonder what he's like on a date?" "Well you couldn't really got to a movie with him, because everybody would recognise him. No privacy. It'd be like dating Spider-Man." The jPodders conclude that, like all clowns, Ronald probably sits alone (in Bel Air) and drinks wonder if the fame, the money and the fries is all worth it. "We should find him a mate." "Let’s all write to Ronald to explain why each of us is his ideal mate." jPod is out on June 5.
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Jacquie Bowser
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