The impending drinks crunch in Scotland could soon make the recent Bluenose exodus to Manchester something of a weekly affair, and no need for the Old Firm to join the Premier League in the process. Have you heard about the Scottish Government's proposals to limit sales of evil alcohol north of the border? (Probably not, if a recent report on regional news coverage is anything to go by.) Allow me to enlighten you, before the kilt-clad booze-cruise hordes arrive at a supermarket near you. .................................................................................................................................................................. Unless Big Bruss steps in with its anti-competitive size 12s, it seems Wee 'Eck is determined to implement a regime of minimum pricing for drinks products in the off trade. That could mean a brand like White Lightning going up by 75% overnight. (What I'd like to know is who gets the extra margin?) (Or should I re-phrase that as Tesco?) On which note Tesco Value Lager would need to increase by 32%, Strongbow by 27% and McEwan's Export Premium by 35%. ................................................................................................................................................... The idea is that products that contribute to binge drinking and antisocial behaviour will become less popular by dint of their unpopular price tags. Curiously, Buckie - uniquely named and shamed as a troublemaker of a tonic by several former Government ministers - is apparently already sufficiently expensive, and doesn't fall foul of the new regulations (to be). They'll be dancing in the streets of Buckfast/Andover/Raith etc. ........................................................................................................................................ Other plans include the banning of 3-for-2 type offers (three cheers!), alcohol-only checkouts, and an increase in the minimum age for purchase of alcohol to 21. There'll also be a 'social responsibility fee' for some retailers, to fund the adverse consequences of a market from which they currently only profit (at the yob-ridden community's expense). ..................................................................................................................................... Received wisdom has it that these ideas have got the proverbial snowball's chance of becoming law... but that would be to underestimate the political skills of a regime that is actually doing things that voters approve of. From an SP perspective, I can't help thinking the SNP's siren call could herald the return of a golden era of proper marketing, when brands once again sell on the merits of their proposition... no longer how cheaply they get you pished. (For translation, ask your nearest Scotsman.)