It all started the other morning when I spotted a banner above some ATMs as I whizzed past a branch of RBS on the way to the airport.  Spelled out in no uncertain terms, what surely must be the offer of the century so far: "FREE CASH MACHINES".  Unfortunately I was, as usual, late for my flight, so I never got chance to stop and see just how much free cash these machines would give me.  But the prospect - or rather the ambiguity of the copyline (had I been a Martian, or maybe an Eastern European) - put me on the alert for other examples of the eats, shoots and leaves variety. 

It wasn't long before I found my next one.  On the back of an airport trolley the headline: "Surprice, Surprice!"  Groan.  (The small print said something about flights to Germany for £19.)

Soon after, heading past the landside shops, I came across a poster announcing that haggis could now travel to most European destinations.  I wasn't quite sure if this was trying to sell me haggis or break the good news that quarantine is no longer obligatory for Scotland's much maligned wee beastie.

Touching down, and subsequently wandering around Paddington looking for a McDonalds, I spied a  48-sheet, sporting a pic of a 'mature' woman and the finger-nails-down-the-blackboard headline "Glam-ma".  Part of L'Oreal's campaign to put people off Mother's Day?

In the window of Hein Gericke (motorbikes), a large bill announcing: "RideXL, PayXS".  No thanks!  (Does anyone test their copy these days?)

Since returning home I've still been in outdoor observation mode, and have added a couple more curious bits of writing to my twitch-list.  Firstly, at a BMW dealership: "Less than you think to buy.  Less than you think to own."  What?  (Am I being thick here?)  And, secondly, one you've surely seen in your vicinity, for new houses: "The place that's going to be the place to be".  Aargh!!  I wanna bucket.